You may have heard the term “transference” before but weren’t entirely sure of the meaning:
Transference: a phenomenon where patients undergoing clinical therapy begin to transfer their feelings of a particular person in their lives to the therapist. For example, the patient may begin to feel the same feelings towards his or her therapist as the [...]
Marriage counseling can often pave the way for individual counseling. There are times a couple’s counselor feels it more appropriate for one or both individuals to enter counseling privately. This can be for a number of reasons. Sometimes a client needs that “one on one” privacy to discuss issues he/she is having difficulty discussing in [...]
Larry was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder (often called manic depression) when he was 19 years old. Zeke had known this about Larry and went through many “roller coaster rides” with Larry, as Zeke put it. Through their 13-year relationship, Larry tried a myriad of medications, resorting to self-medicating many times, via alcohol and marijuana. Zeke [...]
Choosing a counselor can be a difficult process, especially when it comes to couples counseling where two people’s tastes and views need to be considered. When a couple are at odds with one another, they can often find themselves arguing about their choice of counselor! In addition, the counselor can be a scapegoat for a [...]
Caroline is a shy, retreating woman in her 3rd year at law school. She met her husband, 18 years her senior, while looking for an internship position. While she didn’t get the position she desired, Bill remained in contact with her. After a year’s worth of dating, they married and settled into a small house [...]
Cross talking is a common occurrence with couples, especially those that are enmeshed or argumentative. Ted and Sally were suffering from serious cross talk, hence their need for marriage counseling. Their communication had long since ceased, after 18 years of marriage. They had become a brunt of jokes among the family as the couple who [...]
Online romances are common occurrences in this day and age and often a married individual can rationalize its existence without thinking its technically an affair. This was the case with Frank and Melinda.
Frank asked Melinda to enter counseling with her when he discovered she was “seeing” someone online. Melinda has an online business so Frank [...]
When Marge and Lee entered marriage counseling, both were several years into retirement. They had over 25 years of marriage under their belt. Both had stated openly that they had rarely if ever fought a day in their marriage. They reflected on their pre-retirement years with fondness - the kids growing up, summer vacations in [...]
One of the areas of resistance for many individuals as well as couples when entering counseling is the concern that it will be drudgery. One will often paint an internal picture of painful, arduous work and upon completion, will feel “drained.” This can be the case, of course. Most people don’t relish the process of [...]
Marla, during her first couple’s counseling session:
When Fred’s dad died, he was inconsolable. He died suddenly so Fred obviously had no time to prepare. I tried to be supportive as long as I could but Fred was being so unresponsive. He didn’t want to share any of his feelings with me. He just closed off, [...]
On a philosophical level, releasing the past and moving forward can be a challenge for any individual or couple. The need to hold on to the past provides us with fodder, whether positive or negative, that we can often cling to and use as a reason to not budge. This was the case with Barbara [...]
Diane and Pierre seemingly had it all. Pierre was a highly successful surgeon and Diane a prominent nurse known for her extensive charity work. When the two married, everyone thought it was a perfect example of a real “power couple.” Says Diane, during her first marriage counseling session:
Oh yeah. We were “it.” Invited to every [...]
Marla and Jake are in a strange position. They’re seeking couples counseling after an affair took place. The interesting aspect? The affair was between the two of them. Jake had just finalized his divorce with his previous wife and had been seeing Marla for over 3 years. Jake’s former wife was aware of his affair [...]
Counseling can be a very difficult process. Often underneath seemingly superficial squabbles lies year of pent-up anger and pain. It’s never easy to unearth these feelings and couples can have a difficult time dealing with the weight and complexity of these issues. Such was the case with Frank and Sharon. Frank refused to divorce Sharon [...]
When Frank and Amanda entered counseling, they were in the thick of it. Not believing they had any longstanding issues to work out, the couple entered marital counseling because of one single argument they had been having for over 6 months.
Six months ago, Frank had ran into an old friend at a party. It [...]
Vince and Karen were diligently attending marriage counseling for close to 6 months but weren’t seeing many results. Both were very busy with their new business, which had put a good deal of strain on their marriage.
Several years beforehand, they opened a fabric distribution business and pretty soon, were operating entirely in the red. [...]
Fran and Sarah entered couples counseling together, at their wit’s end. At first, everyone considered them the stereotypical “odd couple.” Fran was messy, creative and carefree. Sarah was restrained, extremely neat and a corporate lawyer. They had met on a camping trip 7 years ago and moved in with one another 2 years earlier. At [...]
One of the most common problems brought to a marriage counselor is problems stemming from financial matters. Nothing can put more immediate strain on a marriage for a number of reasons.
First, financial issues strike deeply. We are concerned about our very survival, which often brings with it immense anxiety and worry as well as [...]
Here are what some recent couples have to say about the efficacy of couples counseling:
“I didn’t want to go at first. Sheila kinda had to drag me. Now, I can’t get enough! I actually really look forward to it - which seems strange, right? But it seems like my whole week is about other people [...]
Marisha and Kei had somewhat of an “arranged marriage.” Both came from very traditional Indian families and while they both had known each other from childhood, they openly admitted that if they had had a chance, they would have married someone else. Marisha, in fact, had been in love with someone else up until the [...]
Many couples have utilized the help of a marriage counselor in order to part ways amicably, especially when there are children involved. Not only are they concerned about the way their children are affected, they realize the need to maintain a positive, long-lasting connection, even if divorced or separated.
Don and Kim were such a [...]
Maria and Carlos had done a substantial amount of research prior to entering couples counseling. Both were of Mexican descent and were strict Catholics. They wanted a therapist who understood their culture and religion. They found someone who fit their description well and proceeded to work through issues successfully with her.
How does a counselor [...]
In this computer age, getting in touch with your emotions is something we often tout without genuinely knowing how to do. We read books about it, watch Dr. Phil and Oprah, talk about it over the water cooler - yet somehow still remain mute around those we love.
Couples counselors often have a difficult time, [...]
Phil and Marla sat before the marriage counselor, quite unsure what to do.
When Phil decided he wanted to quit his job and study yoga, Marla “freaked out” according to Phil. She was a stay-at-home mom in a small, suburban town, a member of the local PTA and performed charitable duties in her spare time.
Phil [...]
When Frank and Debbie married in 1992, everything was rosy. Both had graduated at the top of their class and settled in to two well-paying positions. They built their own home together and were happy. Both had decided against children early on and adopted several dogs at the SPCA that became like their kids to [...]
50 years ago, couples counseling wasn’t nearly as prevalent as it is today. There was an implied sense of “grin and bear it” when marital problems occurred. If you and your partner were having problems, you simply looked the other way. In addition, prior to the feminist movement, women were taught that if they [...]
Suzanne and Willy had been happily married for 14 years. Both had a lot in common and had a genuine friendship that had become the bedrock of their relationship. According to them, many couples envied the ease with which they got along. But the last 2 years, communication problems arose. Willy seemed less connected to [...]
James was exasperated by the time he entered couples counseling with his wife Liz. Liz was suffering from anorexia nervosa and currently weight 102 pounds. James had encouraged Liz to enter counseling on her own but she refused. She did, however, agree to couples counseling, when James explained that this was taking a toll on [...]
Frank and Stella entered the office of their marriage counselor already mid-argument. They didn’t even acknowledge the therapist standing at the door! They had been chronically arguing for years now, to a point where it had become habitually and dangerously comfortable. Their kids had even suggested that their arguing was fine, that it actually was [...]
Brian’s chronic illness brought he and his wife into couple’s counseling. He had developed progressive multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disorder that attacks the central nervous system. He and his wife were both under an enormous amount of stress; newly married and now contending with medical expenses, physical limitations and underemployment.
Illness can be a particular [...]
