Most people assume they have solid communication skills. As a matter of fact, as you’re reading this, you are probably assuming you are exempt from the “problem group.” Interestingly enough, its many of these same people who end up in couples counseling, having to hone or develop skills they assume they possess!
So why do [...]
Some couples don’t really know where it all began, how it all happened. They felt close, their communications seemed open…but something slowly went wrong. Perhaps they simply stopped tending to their relationship; their lives became busy, children entered into the picture. Sometimes it was one event that never was discussed properly and resentment grew. Such [...]
Robin explained to her couples counselor:
I was done with it. Done! Gary was a slob before we were engaged.
I remember the first date we went on, he wouldn’t let me in his apartment. I kept thinking, “Oh, he must be involved with someone or this guy has some real skeletons in his apartment.” No, [...]
Many couples who are preparing to get married seek counseling prior to their marriage as part of their church’s request. It’s a smart move, before starting a life together. A professional couples counselor can evaluate the couple’s communication skills and spot some “trouble areas” before they become problematic.
Lea and Sam entered into 5 session [...]
When Sahed and Laura purchased a home in the suburbs of Chicago, they thought they had finally found home. Both had come from troubled families and lived in poor neighborhoods. Now that their careers had allowed them the opportunity to purchase some property, they felt excited to start their lives anew. After several months in [...]
Many couples are very anxious when it comes to marriage counseling. They fear their words will be manipulated or used against them. Or perhaps their counselor will take sides and they’ll feel victimized. Of course, these fears are generally unfounded. Once you enter counseling, help is on its way. You no longer have to suffer [...]
When Peter entered couples counseling with his then-wife Maureen, had had no clue how long-lasting the implications would be.
According to Peter:
When Maureen and I finally divorced, at first I thought couples counseling was a waste. It certainly didn’t save our marriage. Then again, even our counselor knew we had what was considered “irreconcilable differences.” [...]
One of the most difficult aspects of interpersonal relations is knowing when to let go, to walk away, to regroup. Most of us move toward enmeshment when we were argue. Our egos get involved, we want to “win.” Or we’re so eager to fix things, we don’t understanding that sometimes letting go is a way [...]
Nothing can rock a marriage or a relationship to the core more than a betrayal. Whether its an affair, a lie, a series of lies; all spell broken trust. Some couples can’t recover from the hurt and pain while others take years to heal and release the mistrust. Marriage counseling is a helpful way to [...]
When you enter couples counseling, the marriage counselor will want to evaluate the state of your marriage or relationship with broad questions that will give you both the chance to answer. Occasionally, after a session or two, the counselor may advise individual counseling for you or your spouse or partner.
This was the case of [...]
Many couples see signs early on that their marriage is failing or in need of marriage counseling, but don’t seem to heed the warning. Often this is due to denial (”Oh, we’re fine. It was just a little argument) or a sense of shame (”Sam is the perfect man for me. We have the perfect [...]
Estra and Tommy entered couples counseling so they could address some longstanding problems that neither had been contending with. Tommy was constantly working and rarely spent any “quality time” with Estra and she had grown to resent this. Problem being, she felt like this for the last 10 years. When asked why they hadn’t entered [...]
As we explore more deeply the intricacies of communication in couples counseling, we must recognize another critical component, which is being in a relaxed state prior to discussing the matter at hand. Some people think this is a near impossibility. “How can I possibly be relaxed when I’m so angry at this person! And even [...]
As we’ve established, good communication skills are the fundamentals of a good, working relationship and are often one of the first topics addressed in marriage counseling. Poor communication skills can lead to hurt feelings, misconstrued ideas and pent-up emotions. The good part with communicating effectively is that the tenets of it are relatively easy to [...]
Marjorie and Jackson are a young couple experiencing marital difficulties. Luckily, even in their remote location in New England, they found a couples counselor they could speak with over the phone who is doing wonders with the two.
According to Marjorie:
Our phone appointments with Samantha are one of the most important things to us right [...]
Couples counseling offers an opportunity to “untangle” when there seems like no other way out. Often two couples become enmeshed with one another when a longstanding problem exists. They fight and claw and “process” until they have no perspective or no distance. They often enter counseling exhausted, drained and bewildered. How could they not find [...]
One of the most freeing aspects to couples counseling is the relief you feel when you realize that you don’t have to handle your problems on your own anymore. Help is on it’s way! It’s often a foreign feeling for many, but on some levels so natural. As a society, we almost pride ourselves in [...]
One hurdle many couples need to get over during their couples counseling is a sense of awkwardness, especially when it comes to learning and practicing exercising. Many counselors will make use of exercises as tool to teach the couple communication skills. Some may feel the exercises are childlike or rudimentary…or just plain corny!
But when the [...]
One of the problems that many people face prior to couples counseling and often during counseling itself, is being assertive. Generally there is one person in the couple but occasionally both who have real trouble speaking their mind. Often they have had a history that extends back into their childhood where speaking their minds had [...]
The way couples deal with their interpersonal problems can vary greatly. Often partners will enter marriage counseling, distant and angry with arms folded; they are very closed off and it takes a while for them to begin to open up to one another. Other couples will enter counseling too enmeshed in their problems, determined to [...]
Gerry and LeeAnn entered into couples counseling after 10 years of marriage. While for the most part, they felt their relationship was secure and working well, LeeAnn said she had trouble letting go of some old anger; anger that stemmed from an incident over 10 years ago.
LeeAnn expressed herself to the counselor:
Gerry and I had [...]
Fran and Laura entered marriage counseling after two years of being together. Fran had begun to exhibit signs of severe depression and Laura was concerned. Fran was an active artist before the “spells” began, with several high-profile galleries competing for her work. Laura was a stay at home mom, raising their adopted child.
In the [...]
Peter and Audrey never imagined this day, as they sat before the counselor, desperately trying to sort out their upcoming divorce. They had four grown children and Peter had a very successful career while Audrey stayed at home and took care of their two properties. They sought the advice of a couples counselor because their [...]
Zeke and Sandra had been divorced for over one year but were still living with one another. Neither were too pleased with their living condition but financially, both had to restructure their lives to be able to make it on their own. They sat before a couples counselor, as they had many times before, but [...]
By now, most of us have heard or used the term “drama” in our relationships. No longer is it left for stage and screen! People want relationships that are “drama free” or they feel over the “drama” or someone is a “drama queen.” Marriage counselors do their best to minimize drama in relationships, though its [...]
Interestingly many of the communication rules that apply to work can easily be applied to your marriage or relationship as well. Good communication is good communication, regardless of the situation or party. Some seem very well adept at communicating in the workplace and then suddenly seem ill-equipped when it comes to their home situation, not [...]
Many couples shy away from counseling for a number of reasons and deny themselves much needed help. Many couples - or one party within the couple - feel that they don’t want to “air their dirty laundry” - that their private life should be just that - private.
Others don’t want to go through marriage counseling [...]
