The body is a powerful tool. It doesn’t lie. We all know the feeling of someone being dishonest or insincere; that slightly uncomfortable “kick in the stomach” sensation. Its because subconsciously, we’re picking up hundreds of cues from other people, subtle and often minute. Marriage counseling helps teach couples to become aware of the way [...]
Issues with other family members is one of the most common issues seen in couples counseling. Nothing, it seems, can cause more friction than when a significant other doesn’t get along with an equally significant family member. Here’s what one spouse has to say: Gosh, how can I put it nicely. I hate her. I [...]
Marta was not having an easy time letting go. Her husband Sean had been unfaithful to her during their first year of marriage, over 10 years ago. It had put such a schism in their marriage that by the time they entered marriage counseling, neither were communicating at all. As Sean put it: I made [...]
Transference is a common occurrence in both marriage counseling and individual counseling. It can be defined as the following: Psychology Definition: “The main characteristic (of transference) is the experience of feelings to a person which do not befit that person and which actually apply to another. Essentially, a person in the present is reacted to [...]
There are a myriad of ways we communicate with people every day, whether its through our body language or through our words. And it doesn’t stop there. Lack of communication can be a form of a communication. Silence counts. In marriage counseling, couples learn new ways to communicate about their relationships that are generally more [...]
As a society used to quick fixes, marriage counseling can come as quite as surprise. That’s not to say that you won’t see its efficacy, but it’s not like getting your car’s oil changed! It’s a process and the more you can be at peace with its varying levels, the more you and your partner [...]
Our words convey our thoughts but our body speaks volume. Most of us aren’t very aware of the signals our body sends. Most of us aren’t that aware of our bodies at all, except when they start giving us problems. One observation a counselor may make during you marriage counseling session is the body language [...]
Nothing can more allusive to some than the idea of self-love. What is it? Do I wake up and hug myself? Stare into a mirror and repeatedly say, “I love you, I love you”? These actions can ring false yet it still doesn’t negate the importance to learning to love yourself. Its one of the [...]
Fred and Tammy entered marriage counseling because of their near constant arguing and backbiting. Both felt they were at their wit’s end and if this went on much longer, they would separate. As Fred and Tammy gave the couples counselor an idea of their daily living, it became clear that some changes needed to be [...]
Sometimes removing the threat of an argument between you and your partner requires simple steps. If arguing has become a chronic issue, couples counseling may be required. Until then, remember there are always things within your power to allay an impending tangle. They don’t happen to us. We are co-creators after all. 1. Breathe. The [...]
While many couples need marriage counseling for chronic issues, some couples experience cyclical problems. This was the case of Sam and Theresa, who has just had their first baby together. Theresa had become increasingly distant from Sam after their firstborn and Sam felt disconnected from his new family. Both had decided couples counseling was needed [...]
There are the extroverts in this world, who make sure you know when they are upset or angry. They yell, scream, shake their fist or simply tell you very assertively and firmly what is going on inside of them. And then there are the quieter types, the introverts. They are not as vocal. Sometimes you [...]
We do many things out of rote in our lives: wake up, make the bed, make coffee, look for the car keys, etc. Often our professional lives are filled with seemingly monotonous tasks. It’s often difficult for us to shift out of that mode and increase our awareness when we enter couples counseling. Here’s what [...]
Frank and Annie entered into counseling because of the pressure a recent diagnosis was putting on their relationship. Frank had pancreatic cancer and had less than a year to live. Instead of a time of bonding and valuing their time together, they found that they were fighting almost constantly. Neither wanted to be in this [...]
Marriage counseling requires intensive listening in order to work well. Unfortunately, listening has become a lost art form in this day and age…though every one of else considers ourselves to be a fantastic listener. The truth of the matter is, multi-tasking has done a tremendous disservice to listening and we listen worse than ever! We [...]
The terms “couples counseling” and “marriage counseling” are often used interchangeably. Most of us immediately understand the need for both but the dynamic and therapeutic process remains the same. According to one paper: The term “couple therapy” has recently come to replace the historically more familiar and limiting term “marital therapy” because of its emphasis [...]
Many of us have seen how laughter can transform difficult situations. It allows us to see our situation from a more humorous perspective, making it more manageable. It also, as in the case of couples counseling, allows us to share a moment with our partner, one that is bonding and warm. Leslie uses this example: [...]
A common phenomenon that occurs in couples counselor is this: couples do the work that’s needed with the counselor but once they leave, they find it more difficult to incorporate the work into their home lives. Suzanne felt this way: It was tough for the first few months. Eric and I couldn’t figure out why [...]
Entering into couples counseling isn’t necessarily an easy process. There are usually internal obstacles that most of us encounter before entering into a therapeutic process. Questions like these may arise: “What if the counselor takes his side and not mine?” “What if I’m blamed for all of the problems? I’ll feel worse than I already [...]
Sheila was having trouble accepting her divorce and asked her husband to attend several sessions of marriage counseling with her. She would soon have custody of their children and needed to find a new home to live in. She was scared and still very attached to her husband, Sean. As Sheila put it: No matter [...]
We’ve all heard it before, right? Even the most psychologically unsavvy among us has heard the importance of using “I” statements when communicating with others, such as “I feel like you’re not listening to me” instead of “You never listen to me.” The former statement is less likely to elicit a feeling of defensiveness and [...]
Many of us know how to express negative emotions, whether its hollering at the driver who cut us off or yelling at your kid for a bad report card. But in marriage counseling, you learn the art of expressing your emotions, including the negative ones, in a manner that’s healthful and helpful to all parties [...]
When people enter into couples counseling, they often assume it’s a “feel good” process where a couples counselor will slowly but surely unravel their problems in a way that’s both freeing and simple. We’re often used to such quick fixes in our society. But occasionally marriage counseling can be a difficult process as well – [...]
“When I first met Tim, I didn’t know what to do. The last thing I wanted after three years of a messy divorce was another relationship. I was actually thinking that I’d never get involved with anybody again…that I’d live out the rest of my days in celibacy. But after Tim and I started couples [...]
We are a quick fix society. We want solutions yesterday. Unfortunately – or fortunately – when it comes to couples counseling, there is no quick fix. It’s a process not a product. Marital problems that have often taken years to create do not “undo” themselves overnight. As one spouse had to say: When Taylor and [...]
Many counselors experience a common phenomenon in couples counseling that goes a little something like this: one partner goes to great lengths to explain the problems their marriage or relationship are experiencing while the other sits stoically, arms folded, with eyes firmly fixed on his or her shoes. And its not always the women doing [...]
It’s often something we don’t give much thought to, but tone of voice matters. We can tell almost instantly how someone feels but the way they speak. A tense, constricted voice may put us on “red alert” while a gentle soothing voice helps us relax and genuinely listen. Couples counselors notice the way you talk [...]
Mediators have been used since the beginning of time to help diffuse and solve a problematic situation. A couples counselor is more than a mediator but still offer that much needed “third party perspective.” Often when we are in a difficult emotional place with our partner, we become “locked.” It’s hard to see the forest [...]
