This posting is a beginning discussion of differences people might bring into their relationships. Other postings will address class, education, religious, and geographic differences. There are some common ways to address these differences, and some require special handling. You should have your therapist help you sort out how best to proceed. The saying goes, “Loves [...]
There are some important things about cigarettes that you might want to consider. We all know about cancer, emphysema, and the effects on other organs. That should be enough to stop people from smoking. So should the dangers of second-hand smoke for those close to you. We love those people and we don’t want to [...]
You and your partner are fighting about money. So, what else is new? Did you discuss how you both think about money before you got serious? Did you sign a prenuptial agreement so that at least you knew what was what? Did circumstances change during your time together so that you have to re-argue everything? [...]
Like many Americans, you may be working at a job you don’t exactly love. In fact, you may hate it. But, you can’t complain-at least you HAVE a job- with benefits no less. The typical signs of job dissatisfaction aren’t too hard to recognize: alot of complaining, wishing you had a different job, looking for another job, [...]
Emotional abuse can cause a lot of hurt, anger, and fear. There are some obvious forms of emotional abuse such as name calling. There are more subtle signs, such as intimidation, that are important to be aware of as well. Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse. This can include name calling, insults, or [...]
Should our 5 year old daughter get her ears pierced? Should we let our 10 year old wear makeup? Should our 14 year old go on an overnight trip with a group of friends? Is our 13 year old ready to date? All of these questions have one thing common-tough decision making. You may worry that [...]
How do you react when your spouse does something particularly nice? How about when they do something you do not like? Our responses have a big impact on the likelihood of these behaviors ending or continuing. For example, consider a husband who tends to spend time with his friends after work a few times per [...]
Many couples find finances to be a big source of stress. It does not seem to matter how much money couples have, they often still disagree on how to spend it. Deciding how much money to save and how much money to spend can create problems when couples do not agree. Avoid ignoring financial problems. [...]
As little girls we often think about our “prince charming” and daydream about our wedding day. We imagine falling in love with a tall, dark, and handsome man, spending hours and hours with him, and getting proposed to in the most romantic way imaginable. As we get older we start wondering when and if this [...]
Conflict is inevitable. We may argue over something silly such as who should take the trash out, or something more serious like parenting differences. One thing is certain–arguments happen. It is normal for a marriage to have it’s share of conflict-the key is how we respond. Everyone has an arguing style-you may avoid conflict, always [...]
Many people report wanting a better relationship with their partner. However, often times people are quick to point out changes their partner needs to make, instead of recognizing the changes that they can make to improve the marriage. Focusing on what changes you think your partner makes does nothing to improve the marriage, and often [...]
You did your job. You raised your kids and sent them off to college. They had four glorious years away from home and finally graduated from college. You thought you were home free. But wait; they are moving back home! You finally got used to having an empty house and are enjoying the quiet time [...]
Many couples report less time and less money than ever before. As a result, their relationship experiences less quality time together and fewer dates. Increased life stress tends to put more stress on relationships. When life becomes stressful, it is the most important thing to spend quality time with your partner. Quality time together does [...]
Addiction of any sort is a serious issue for any individual. It creates even more problems for people in couples and families. Everybody becomes part of the chaos and destruction the addicted person brings to the scene. Not only are the effects immediate, causing emotional, social, physical, and financial disorder, but they can be long [...]
So you just learned that your mate has been unfaithful. You feel hurt, angry, and most important, betrayed. All your trust has been violated. All your hopes and expectations are destroyed. Does it mean the end of the relationship? What about the kids? The pets? Not necessarily. So, what should you do? You’ll be angry [...]
Are you depressed? Are you worried about being depressed? Do you know why you’re depressed? Does that make you more depressed? Anxious? Are you losing sleep, or sleeping too much? Not eating enough or too much? Are you snapping at people? Withdrawing from them? Drinking, using, or smoking too much? Go see a therapist. Your [...]
Cognitive behavioral therapy helps alleviate symptoms of depression, anxiety, and trauma. It can also help couples. Cognitive behavioral treatment addresses how people think as well as how they behave. Couples treatment that utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy helps each individual recognize distorted thought patterns. Perhaps one partner feels frustrated that their partner works long hours and [...]
The way couples tackle problems reveals a lot about their relationship. Working together to constructively solve problems reduces stress and increases the strength of the marriage. Developing good problem-solving skills helps couples decide how to respond to problems together. Everyone solves problems on a daily basis, yet we rarely stop to consider how we arrived [...]
By Maria C. Ramos, MS, MFT Counselor Through my experiences in counseling couples, I have found that both males & females want exactly the same thing from their relationships. Both expect respect, acceptance, understanding, communication, reciprocated love, and time shared with their partner. I found this surprising because the overall perception is that sex would [...]
Take Time To Do: Sometimes, as parents, we are so busy trying to focus on things we feel are necessary to make our children happy that we lose track of what really makes children happy. Of course, we are subject to be guided by the latest trend in toys, electronics, cell phones, etc., but in [...]
By Maria C. Ramos, MS. MFT When do we start losing our sense of Self? Is it when we join forces with our significant other? Or, is it when we become insignificant within our own families? Or, is it when we work under individuals who do not allow us to grow and improve our position [...]
Today’s fast-paced society can prevent married couples from spending quality time with one another. We are faced with more distractions than ever before. Increased technology often means more distractions. Cell phones ring at dinner, emails get answered during the evenings, the radio plays while on car rides, and the television can be heard as background [...]
Trust is a very important aspect of any relationship. Trusting your partner is essential to the marriage. Having a sense of trust leads to increased feelings of security and overall marital satisfaction. When partners do not trust one another, working together as a team becomes impossible. Sometimes people have difficulty trusting even if their partner has [...]
Picture this: it’s Sunday. You and your significant other are talking about how to spend the day. He says, “we can do anything until 3pm, then I have to watch the game”. You respond, “But honey, I thought we could spend the day together. Maybe go to the park, or go out to dinner”. “No”, [...]
Statistics show that 26.2% of the adult population, and 13.1 % of children ages 8-15 have a diagnosable mental disorder. Clearly, mental illness is a huge issue in the U.S., and living with someone who has mental illness can wreak havoc on a relationship. What should you do when you are married to someone who [...]
Parenting is a hard job. Step parenting can be even harder. Blending two families can be a challenge and can be a strain on the marriage if problems are not dealt with appropriately. Entering into a marriage with someone who has children means you are not just marrying a person, but you are getting a package [...]
Many couples choose to stay in an unhappy marriage for their children’s sake, assuming that kids need an intact family to grow into happy, well adjusted adults. However, this isn’t always the best idea. Sometimes, staying in an unhappy relationship can have a negative impact on children. Regardless of age, children are keen observers. They have [...]
Establishing mutual goals can help a marriage feel more like a team effort. Short term goals can help keep the relationship exciting and satisfying. Long term goals can help couples clarify their values. Creating goals can help each partner divide their time and money according to the plan. Goals can also help improve communication as [...]
Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, and can put a strain on even the strongest of marriages. On the Today show last week, Dr. Linda Applegarth was discussing a new study which found that women who were involved in some kind of emotional support group for infertility had a 50% greater chance of becoming pregnant [...]
Making a decision to start marriage counseling can be a difficult decision for many couples. Couples can benefit from marriage therapy for a variety of reasons. Many people wonder if couples counseling is right for them and their situation. Couples Counseling can help couples improve their communication. Each person can learn skills to increase direct [...]
