People tend to recognize the importance of physical touch when it comes to babies and children. Infants are held much of the time. Many cultures place babies in a sling so they can be held close to their parent all the time. Children are given hugs and kisses regularly. However, many people underestimate the importance [...]
Creating positive memories throughout your marriage is very important. Relationships can be like a bank account. You can make any withdrawals unless you have made deposits. Deposits are the positive things that occur within the marriage. Withdrawals are the more difficult parts of the marriage. Creating positive memories makes deposits within the relationship bank. When [...]
It’s important to identify what sorts of stereotypes impact your beliefs about the man’s role and the woman’s role within the marriage. People develop beliefs about roles within the marriage based on what sorts of relationships they witnessed within their own family. Stereotypes also develop based on media images. Children look to their parent’s relationship [...]
There may be times that you find yourself having a conflict with your partner and he uses some “dirty tricks” instead of fighting fair. Perhaps he isn’t willing to work on solving the issue or maybe he’s behaving in a way that is unacceptable. Maybe you are trying to remain calm and use the skills [...]
Most couples never sit down and discuss what specifically constitutes cheating within their relationship. However, different couples consider different things to be an act of infidelity. It’s important to recognize what you would consider to be unacceptable behaviors. In an age of increased technology, there are many more opportunities for couples to engage in secret [...]
When people are dating, they tend to talk a lot about themselves, their goals, their history, and their feelings. However, for many couples, years of marriage can cause communication to become more like a business deal. Conversations may become centered around schedules, household responsibilities, and financial decisions. Lack of quality conversation can have a negative [...]
Here’s what I mean: If you told a potential boss you would not embezzle money from them if they hired you, do you think they would hire you? Or, if the person at the daycare where you leave your kids every day said to you, “I’m a good daycare person because I do not molest [...]
Many couples spend countless hours planning their wedding day. However, a lot of those same couples don’t spend nearly as much time planning their marriage together. It is very important for couples to talk about their goals, values, and hopes and dreams prior to getting married to ensure that these will be compatible with their [...]
Sometimes people develop a negative attitude about their relationship and become convinced that some things are never going well or are always bad. By looking for exceptions to the rule, it can offer you some insight into what has helped in the past. Exceptions show situations where things were not the way they usually are. [...]
Sometimes couples have a re-occurring disagreement. This can start to impact the good times in the relationship because the subject causing distress always comes up. It can become very frustrating and both people can begin to feel like nothing ever gets accomplished. In these cases, it may make sense to schedule a time to talk about these [...]
Even bad marriages have something about the relationship that seems to work. It might not be a lot of things that work, but there must be something. Focusing on the strengths of a couple can go a long way in making changes. More often than not, people seem to focus on what isn’t working in [...]
Sometimes people say that their partner just does not know how to communicate. Often, women will say, “my husband just does not know how to express himself.” It is actually impossible to not communicate at all. Even if he’s not talking, he’s still communicating. The majority of communication is actually non-verbal. So if your partner [...]
In today’s fast-paced world, many people report being busier than ever. People often say they have little to no free time, and most people report not having a hobby. Instead, people report being overworked, stressed out with household chores, and lacking opportunities to spend time doing something they enjoy. Most people tend to think that [...]
When you and your partner have a disagreement, how do your conflicts end? It’s important to examine how your conflicts resolve. Healthy conflict resolution is good for the marriage. If your conflicts do not end in a healthy way, it can create further marital problems. When you and your partner disagree on an issue, what [...]
Sometimes people say they just aren’t getting enough out of their marriage. They might even say the spark is gone and they’ve drifted apart from their partner. The question becomes, how much energy is this person devoting to their relationship? Perhaps if they feel they aren’t getting enough out, they may back off and decide [...]
Sometimes simply acknowledging a problem can be the biggest step toward reaching a solution. Often, couples who schedule their first therapy session report improvements in the marriage even prior to attending their first appointment. Couples who start facing their problems and identifying problems have the ability to start resolving the issues. If you know that your [...]
Sometimes people feel like their relationship is not going to ever get any better. And when people think their marriage won’t ever get any better, they start to behave as if there marriage won’t get any better. When people behave this way, it ensures that their marriage won’t ever get better. When people lower their [...]
Insecure people tend to seek constant reassurance. This can be difficult for the spouse. Sometimes verbal affirmations just don’t seem to be enough no matter how many times they are repeated. This can be stressful for a marriage. Insecurities can come in several different forms. Sometimes people are self-conscious about their appearance. Imagine a woman [...]
Many people think, “I’d only be happy if…” When it comes to a marriage, many people place the responsibility for their mood on their spouse. Someone might think their life could be better if things were different. The danger of having these thoughts about your spouse is that it takes away your personal responsibility for [...]
Should you ask your therapist what your diagnosis is? Would you feel better or worse knowing it? Would it enhance or break your trust with your therapist? Here are some serious thoughts and tips. Let’s start backwards here. Therapists must tell you what your diagnosis is to the limits of your ability to understand it. [...]
Spending time away from your spouse and visiting with friends and family can actually improve your relationship. Your spouse is not going to meet all of your needs all the time. It is important to try and get your needs met in other ways instead of depending on your partner, and then feeling disappointed in [...]
If your spouse was married previously and had children, chances are, you have to deal with their ex. Although some families manage this well and make it look easy, this can be difficult for the majority of families. Step-parenting is a difficult task by nature. Throw in a difficult ex-spouse, and it can create some [...]
You’re thinking of having another child. You are concerned about how this new child will affect your present one. Here are some tips. First, recognize that the newbie will affect the “oldbie.” Don’t minimize the challenge s/he faces. It’s competition for attention and energy and love. We have two cats. Our older cat is shorthaired; [...]
Some people have difficulty directly getting their needs met. This can lead to complaining, criticizing, and indirect communication that does not yield results. Learning how to ask for help can be very helpful to both partners in the marriage. Complaining about things without directly asking for help is not likely to be helpful. For example, [...]
You want your child to go to college. Assuming the child wants to and there is money available, you should have some good family conversations about what happens next. Here are some tips: First, where should the child go to school? Research has shown that the child’s choice of college is usually the best guarantee [...]
Validating your partner’s feelings can be very helpful to the relationship. Learning how to acknowledge the other person’s feelings can diffuse a lot of arguments and help the other person feel heard. It can show that you have empathy for his/her feelings even when you disagree on something. Simply stating that you recognize your partner’s [...]
Remember the old Johnny Paycheck Song, “Take this job and shove it?” It sounded tempting. But in these tough times, it’s not realistic. So, what do you do to make yourself happy while staying at your job? The first step is to accept two facts. The first is that your job is less than satisfying. [...]
When you are angry at your partner do you ever make threats? Maybe you threaten to leave? Or threaten a divorce? Or threaten that your partner will never see the kids again? Or even threaten bodily harm? Whether threats are more on the minor end of the spectrum or on the major end, they can [...]
Were you left out of a family ceremony? Did you feel slighted, rejected, and totally trashed? Did you have thoughts of rage, contemplating warm and cold revenge? Yes, you should feel upset – but you need to get better. So, here’s a tip. Let’s start with an example. One of my clients has had lifelong [...]
You and your partner will go through some profound changes after the baby is born. Here are some issues to think about and some tips to help both of you. Once you begin to understand the language and needs of the newborn, you will feel more comfortable in dealing with your own changes. As mentioned [...]
