This post is for both you and your partner: You ought to know about each other’s health and be involved in it. Let me tell you why and what you should do now and in the future. One of my clients came to me and was concerned, not about his sex life, but his wife’s. [...]
All couples face various stressors throughout their lives. Many major points of stress are caused by major life transitions. Difficulty dealing with these stressors can have a negative impact on the marriage if they are not dealt with successfully. For many couples, milestones that cause stress include the birth of a child, caring for an [...]
Have you ever looked at where your time goes? Most people seem to underestimate how much leisure time they have. Research studies indicate most people have more leisure time now than ever before. However, people seem to be busy with technology and report feeling they don’t have enough time to get things done. Where do [...]
A new client raised the issue of betrayal. “I’ve been married for all these years and she has men friends and they go off like it’s on a date. She says it’s all in my head. What should I do?” What should we all do? Here are some suggestions. The most important answer is that [...]
Many people find that their marriage is in trouble, but only after realizing it’s been in trouble for a long time. Sometimes by the time couples seek therapy, they aren’t even really looking for help. They seem to be looking for permission to get divorced. Waiting too long to get help can be detrimental. Sometimes [...]
What could you do differently to be a better partner than you already are? If you think you’re doing “good enough” it’s likely you aren’t interested in making any changes. Part of being a good spouse means you are always striving to improve and find things you can change. Try to take a look at [...]
Differences in parenting ideas can be a major source of conflict for many couples. People often have different views about what strategies work best. They also have different ideas about parenting philosophies in general. Parenting requires a lot of flexibility and parents must learn to adapt to their changing needs. Each child may respond very [...]
Many people seem to settle for a mediocre marriage. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t great. Some describe it as comfortable. They recognize that it would never be considered one of the “greatest loves of all time” and they are okay with that. Having a lukewarm marriage isn’t all that fulfilling. It becomes more like [...]
Have you ever stopped to think what it is that makes you feel loved? Many people know whether or not they feel loved but don’t spend much time reflecting on what that actually means. It is important to recognize what actually makes you feel loved by your partner and then communicate this to your spouse. [...]
Sometimes people offer apologies or make self-deprecating statements as a defense mechanism. This can cause difficulties in the relationship when it interferes with communication and problem solving. Learning to recognize this as a defense mechanism and a barrier to resolving the issue can help people develop a strategy to respond to this. People who use [...]
In terms of doing therapy, one of the major issues clients face is dealing with their pride. Should a person apologize and admit that they made a mistake? Should a person take a job at a lower pay than s/he made before? Should someone go out of their way to help someone when that person [...]
Acts of aggression can be very damaging to the marriage. Aggression does not just include physical aggression. Aggression includes verbal altercations, threats, or even intimidating looks. Any behavior used to get your partner to “back down” can be considered aggressive. Aggression often causes one person to seek control over making decisions and it becomes impossible for the couple [...]
Should you take your child(ren) to a restaurant? Which restaurant? When? Yes, this is a touchy subject. There was a restaurant in Pennsylvania recently featured in the news that banned kids under 6. Is this a good idea? And—what should you do when you take your child(ren) to a restaurant? You need to know your child [...]
Are you guilty of using your behaviors to try and manipulate your spouse to get your way? Perhaps you’ve given the silent treatment in hopes your partner would change his mind. Or maybe you’ve embellished how bad your cold was so that your spouse would agree not to go on his fishing trip. It is important [...]
You go visit your family or friends. You all start talking about the past or the recent present. Someone tells you new information about what happened regarding you. It may be a fact or an insight into who they think you are. All of a sudden you think you have to reevaluate everything. You feel [...]
Loyalty in your marriage refers to whether you uphold or damage your spouse’s public image. It is different from being faithful to your spouse, which refers to upholding your vows. Being a loyal spouse means you speak highly of your spouse’s good qualities and your spouse knows you can be counted on to defend his [...]
Becoming a parent is an incredibly joyous experience. It is also a major transitional period for your relationship. A recent Wall Street Journal article highlights the struggle that many new parents experience. If you are planning to bring a child into your partnership, it’s important to be aware of the changes that will impact your [...]
After being with your partner for years, there is a certain level of comfort that develops. Although it is great to feel comfortable within the relationship, it can make it difficult to stay emotionally connected. It can take some extra attention to stay emotionally connected as time goes on. Part of staying emotionally connected means [...]
Probably everybody is guilty of saying something they didn’t mean at least one time in their life. However, for some people, it becomes a habit. They tend to retaliate, say mean things, and call their spouse names out of anger. This causes damage to the relationship each time it occurs. When you are angry, do [...]
When your partner is angry, how do you respond? Do you feel the need to try and calm your partner down? Do you promise to make things better and attempt to rectify the situation? Or do you become explosively angry back? Or maybe you just step away and both calm down. When your partner behaves [...]
You go visit your family or friends. You all start talking about the past or the recent present. Someone tells you new information about what happened regarding you. It may be a fact or an insight into who they think you are. All of a sudden you think you have to reevaluate everything. You feel [...]
Are you guilty of behaving in a passive-aggressive manner in your relationship? When people are passive-aggressive they tend to outwardly appear like they agree or are “going with the flow.” However, they secretly may be very hostile or may try to sabotage the outcome. Behaving in a passive-aggressive manner does not benefit anyone. It can [...]
Sometimes trying something new feels awkward, especially at first. Fear of embarrassing yourself may prevent you from doing something different. No one likes to feel awkward and many people avoid doing anything that would make them feel this way. However, it can be easy to get stuck in a marital rut and without making changes [...]
We all love our pets. We would do anything for them. They are our companions and love objects. We often give them the care we should give ourselves. Yet we might be giving them too much attention and they may be running our lives too much. A few examples should help clarify the situation. The [...]
Are you able to ask for what you want from your partner? Many people have difficulty asking for what they want or need from their partner. It is important to look at the underlying reasons that cause you to have difficulty asking for what you want. Do you think you shouldn’t have to ask? Do you [...]
In today’s age, many couples have two-income families. Juggling two careers along with kids and household responsibilities can be difficult. Some people even experience extra stressors such as having to care for elderly parents an can add even more difficulty to juggling responsibilities. So how do you juggle everything? One important factor is to not expect [...]
My previous two posts said that you shouldn’t wait to see a therapist if you’re having problems and if you and your partner are having problems. I strongly said that you don’t want the situation to get worse and create new problems. I want to talk about the kids now. (And, by the way, don’t [...]
I wrote in an earlier post that it’s better not to wait when something is going wrong in your life and/or your relationship. I suggested that you see a therapist to help you sort things out. Now I’m suggesting you bring your partner into joint therapy and suggest your partner go to her/his own therapy [...]
A possible new client called me recently. She desperately needed to see someone. In between sobbing, she said she should have seen someone six months ago. When I saw her, I agreed. Here’s why, and why you shouldn’t wait. If you have a serious problem and you’re not able to handle it, you need help. [...]
When people feel angry, they have to decide whether or not to express their anger to their partner immediately. Some people decide to hold in their angry feelings as long as they can, but then it explodes. Other people immediately let their anger be known. It is important to be able to communicate with your [...]
