One of my patients recently told me that his or her boss told them to go to the EAP and get some help. The boss had mentioned some performance issues. S/he had gone to the doctor first and had gotten a fitness report. S/he then put a cover letter on the report and handed it [...]
A few years into your marriage, you may not be feeling the warm fuzzy feelings toward your partner as often as in the past. This is normal. As the relationship develops, a deeper more meaningful sense of love grows. Some people mistake this deeper sense of love with boredom. It’s likely that early on in [...]
How you think impacts how you feel. What you think about your partner’s behaviors will impact how you feel about your partner. It is important to recognize some thoughts you may be having toward your partner are destructive. Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it is true. In fact, the more emotional you feel, the more [...]
Many people engage in self-destructive behaviors that range from minor to potentially life threatening behaviors. Identifying these behaviors is the first step in learning how to heal. If you engage in these behaviors, therapy may be needed to help you stop. If you are dealing with a spouse who engages in self-destructive behaviors, therapy for yourself [...]
Maturity means you are able to separate from your parents. Being married means you have entered in a relationship that requires you to form a partnership. This partnership means that you and your spouse are a team of two, which doesn’t include your parents or your in-laws. Being supportive of your spouse doesn’t mean you [...]
A good indicator of marital satisfaction is how a couple recalls their past. The way they recall their history tells a lot about the current status of the relationship. Happier couples recall the past with more warm and caring sentiments. Couples who are currently dissatisfied, often say they have trouble remembering or only offer information [...]
When you and your partner reunite after work or time apart, the way you greet each other can set the tone for the rest of your time together. Making a conscious effort to greet each other in a positive way can improve the quality of your time together. If you have developed a habit of [...]
When you’ve hurt your partner’s feelings, how do you react? Whether you agree or not that your behaviors were hurtful, the actions you take next make a big difference in your relationship. Do you take responsibility for your behaviors? If not, this can damage the relationship. The first step in taking responsibility for your behaviors [...]
Have you ever heard someone say, “She’s really let herself go since she got married.” Yikes. Marriage tends to bring comfort. People shouldn’t equate being comfortable with being sloppy with their appearance. It is important to take care of yourself physically, before and after you are married. Taking care of yourself means taking care of your [...]
Many people report that they started out as friends with their spouse prior to getting married. However, over the years this friendship seems to change. Some people think that once you get married you are no longer “friends.” However, it is very healthy to keep up on the friendship aspect of your marriage. When a couple [...]
Cheering for your partner is an important part of the marriage. Everyone can benefit from some well-meaning words of encouragement in life. And showing that you are your partner’s number one fan can mean a lot. Encouraging your partner is also cheering for the relationship. Marriage should not be about competition or jealousy. Instead, it [...]
Coming home from work after a hard day can lead to a stressful evening. Staying at home with the children all day can be just as stressful and evenings may bring more stress. For couples who experience a lot of stress when they are apart, it is important to learn how to relieve your stress [...]
Romance and sex can go out the window once couples have children. Young children can be exhausting and can prevent your ability to have privacy. Lack of time, energy, and libido can zap the romance from the marriage. However, lack of intimate alone time can cause long-term damage to the marriage. Don’t be afraid to [...]
How often do you discuss your marital issues? Even good marriages have issues that should be discussed. However, many couples avoid talking about them. Women are more likely than men to bring up marital issues in the first place. Often when issues are brought up, the conversation is shut down quickly. Men tend to be [...]
Many couples report that most of their arguments are about the same things over and over. These sorts of arguments often don’t ever get resolved and the same subject keeps coming up. It is important to take a look at your arguments to see what patterns you notice. Where do most of your arguments happen? [...]
How do you respond to your partner’s criticisms and complaints? Do you become defensive and aren’t able to tolerate hearing it? Does it get in the way of solving problems? Learning to listen to what your partner says is important. However, people who have difficulty accepting criticism often begin to prepare their defense rather than [...]
When you need help and your feelings are hurt, or you want to see something change, how do you communicate these issues to your partner? How you communicate these issues makes a big difference to the relationship and how your partner is likely to feel and respond. Criticism often places all of the blame on [...]
When determining a budget, many couples ask if they should keep separate checking accounts. Studies show that most couples who are entering into a second marriage do keep almost all of their money separate. However, how do you share your life together while not sharing your money? Being married means sharing in the responsibilities of [...]
Resentment doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it grows slowly over time. Resentment becomes a serious barrier to a happy, loving marriage. It is important to deal with difficult feelings as they arise so that resentment does not build. When people experience unpleasant feelings, there are a variety of ways to deal with them. One method is [...]
When you and your partner talk about making changes, it is important to make it clear what is negotiable and what isn’t. Tell your partner what you are willing to work on and what you aren’t planning to change. This can help reduce a lot of conflict, if you make it clear. Dan and Melissa [...]
How much do you depend on your spouse for your personal happiness? Although your spouse should play an integral role in helping you develop a happy and healthy lifestyle, depending on your spouse for this will likely lead to disappointment. Lisa and Ryan were married for four years. Marriage wasn’t what Lisa had anticipated. She [...]
How much of your property are you willing to share? Many people say “what’s mine is yours,” however, they don’t behave this way. Do you get joy out of sharing your belongings with your spouse? If you get married young before you have any real assets, it can feel much easier to share whatever you [...]
I don’t want to get into a debate over causes of obesity and all the reasons why people become overweight. I do have some thoughts about helping in terms of weight control. For many years I have been working on doing psychological assessments for people who are thinking of going through gastric bypass or laparoscopic [...]
Determining what role your friends will play in your life after you’re married can be difficult for some people. Perhaps, you always spent Friday night with your pals and you wonder, should this continue? Or maybe you struggle to deal with the amount of time your spouse spends with friends. Learning to set healthy boundaries [...]
What adjectives would you use to describe your spouse? How would you describe his personality? His behaviors? His attitude and outlook on life? The way you view your partner can have a big impact on the marriage. Carl and Ashley had been married for four years. Carl liked things to be neat and orderly, while [...]
Years ago I was part of a couple. We were friends with another couple. We thought of sharing a house. So, we went to some meetings and shared a suite. I put the newspaper I was reading down on my bed. That offended the woman in the other couple. “You just don’t do that!—you put [...]
Sometimes a person decides that he’s married the wrong person. He thinks the marriage cannot be saved because he and his wife have too many differences. He thinks he made a mistake when he got married and must have been so blinded by his infatuation that he overlooked her flaws. He stays married to her [...]
How much do you trust that your spouse can make good decisions? Do you ever worry that in your absence, your spouse will not make good decisions? Do you tend to argue about the choices your spouse has made? If you don’t trust that your partner can make good decisions, it is important to examine [...]
First, a disclaimer: I do not have any financial investment nor do I profit from the movies or TV shows I’m going to recommend in this post. There are two movies going around right now that I think raise issues for heterosexual couples and their children that are worth bringing to your attention. They raise [...]
Some marriages develop into relationships where one spouse becomes more like a parent rather than an equal partner. One person clearly becomes “in charge” and makes the majority of the decisions. The other person’s opinions are not taken into consideration and he is treated like a child. Bob and Jane had been married for ten [...]
