The question of how much to tell your spouse will arise at some point during the marriage. Some people wonder, “Do I need to tell my spouse everything?” Others assume it is healthy to not tell everything all the time. So the question is, what is the difference between privacy and secrecy? And is it [...]
If you were to complete the rest of the sentence, “My marriage would be good if…” what would you say? What sorts of things do you imagine would need to happen before your marriage could be better? It’s important to recognize that you may not need to experience any big changes. Instead, you may be [...]
Marrying someone whose first spouse passed away is much different than marrying someone who has simply been divorced. It’s important to be aware of your spouse’s needs when entering into a marriage with a widow or widower. Unlike when there’s been a divorce, the first marriage didn’t end because it didn’t work out. Therefore, there are some [...]
There are several things you can work on every single day to improve your marriage. Taking small steps each day can help improve your habits. Over time, it can greatly improve the quality of your relationship. The following four areas can be addressed each day and can help you to gain more skills that can [...]
It’s a goal for every couple to be happy in their marriage. This often means overcoming hiccups, forgiving past grievances, letting go of each others’ little annoyances, and even doing things for the other that you don’t really want to do (like redecorating the house for her or going to football games with him). Doing [...]
It is important to recognize that minimizing the negative consequences of your behaviors is unhealthy to your marriage. Learning to validate your partner’s feelings and take responsibility for your actions can help resolve a lot of marital problems. However, this requires you to be able to listen to your partner and really hear how your [...]
The way people view arguments often has a lot to do with the way they grew up. For example, a person who grew up with a lot of fighting in their home may either think it is normal to argue daily or may go to great lengths to avoid arguments. It is important to note [...]
There’s been a lot of attention lately abut the relationships between adult kids and their still relatively young parents. Some “kids” have moved back home because of the poor economy and the high cost of housing. Other “kids” still need additional monetary support even when working. I’d like to address some issues not often talked [...]
When your spouse does something that hurts you or that you don’t like, is it okay to punish your spouse? Although many people might initially say that they wouldn’t ever punish their spouse, if they looked more closely at some of their behaviors, they may discover that they have in fact, attempted to punish their [...]
Keeping Your Marriage Private Airing out your dirty laundry in your marriage isn’t healthy. In fact, it can be very damaging to your relationship. It’s important to take steps to safeguard your relationship. Some couples just seem to announce to the world all of their issues and problems. It seems like everyone knows the couple’s [...]
Sometimes before the marriage can improve, it has to get worse. This can be a depressing concept for couples who feel like they are only holding on by a thread. Marriage counseling can help a couple navigate these obstacles as they attempt to make changes to improve their relationship. The Marriage Dance Marriage is a [...]
The idea of voluntarily living apart from your spouse is a relatively new concept. In the past, couples who lived apart were thought to be having relationship problems. The exceptions were for families who were in the military or who were separated by other issues, such as incarceration or jobs that required travel. Many couples today [...]
Does your marriage challenge you to be a better person? Healthy marriages often help people strive to be the best person possible. If you and your spouse aren’t gently helping one another grow, there are some things you can do to help one another. It is a great goal in life to constantly want to [...]
Many couples who come to therapy often complain of “communication problems.” For example, she’ll complain that he gets mad too much and yells. Or he’ll complain she gives him the silent treatment too much. They agree that if they could only communicate better their marital problems would decrease. As a therapist, there is one communication [...]
If you dislike your job, is it possible that it is going to affect your marriage? Or do you think that you can separate work enough from your home life that it won’t matter? There’s several different ways that job stress can impact your home life, including your marriage. Mood The daily grind at a [...]
If you find that you have grown angry and resentful toward your spouse, it is important to address it immediately. Anger and resentment stem from a variety of issues. If you don’t address the underlying cause, the problem is likely to get worse. Not Getting Your Needs Met If you feel like your needs are [...]
Money is often cited as one of the biggest reasons a couple gets divorced. Many couples mistakenly believe that if they just had a little more money they wouldn’t have as many problems. However, couples with all different income levels still fight about money. Money can lead to a variety of marital problems if it [...]
What you do after an argument is much more important than what you actually argued about. The behaviors you exhibit following conflict, determine how the two of you will feel about each other. It also impacts how you will approach conflict in the future. For example, if after an argument the two of you can [...]
One of the problems with divorce is that by the time someone gets around to doing it, they’ve usually spent a lot of time thinking about it. Depending on the relationship issues, they may have been thinking about it silently or they may have threatened it frequently. Although it is good to think through major [...]
When angry, people sometimes offer “the silent treatment.” An angry mother-in-law offers it to their daughter-in-law, friends offer it to friends after a disagreement, and spouses sometimes use it against their spouse. But many ask the question, “Does it work?” The silent treatment should not be confused with taking a time out. If you feel too angry [...]
Sometimes people assume that the only way they can be happy in life is to have an ideal marriage. They believe their satisfaction with life hinges solely on how happy they are in their relationship. This sort of thinking can be dangerous and actually can be harmful to your marriage. The Cycle Every marriage is [...]
Grief is a difficult process that impacts every area of your life, including your marriage. The grieving process is important, as it is part of the healing process. If people don’t grieve, they don’t work through their feelings of loss. It is important to keep a careful watch for how the grieving process is impacting [...]
Many people tend to nag their spouse. Often, they don’t recognize how harmful it can be to the marriage. Psychological studies have shown that nagging doesn’t work and it certainly isn’t helpful for either partner. There are many misconceptions about nagging that cause people to continue nagging their partner, even when they aren’t getting results. [...]
Sometimes people think it is major conflict that leads to divorce. However, most studies show that the day to day stress about money and the division of labor are main factors that contribute to marital discord. When the household duties are not managed well as a couple, the stress can take a toll over time. [...]
We learn to be anxious and we can unlearn it. We’re introduced to Marlene whose father died and whose mother worked so she had to take care of younger siblings. Being young herself, she was nervous about their safety. This was the beginning of a lifetime of anxiety.
We learn to be anxious and we can unlearn it. It begins with negative thoughts that we may not even be aware of. The job is to think about what triggered the anxiety and track it back to those thoughts. If we don’t do this, we stand to make our partners nervous too. Then the [...]
Blessed with beautiful tropical beaches, unique ecosystems, active volcanoes, rolling rivers, and enough adventure to keep even extreme vacationers happy, Costa Rica has become one of the most popular tourist destinations of the twenty-first century. A few decades ago, however, most travelers probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Situated below Nicaragua – a [...]
When it comes to marriage, much of the advice seems to be a paradox. Although it may seem like a lot of marital advice is in conflict with other tips, it shows the delicate balance that is necessary in marriage. A happy and healthy marriage requires that you take care of yourself while at the [...]
Scott thinks a dream vacation is camping, but his wife would much rather visit relatives. The vacation date is getting closer and they have not been able to agree. Now what? All marriages have conflict. We disagree over big things and small things. We find ourselves squabbling about everything from how to channel surf to [...]
In the first article in this series, I introduced you to Maurice and Ella. Maurice is depressed because he got let go from a big firm and has been out of work. At first, he thought he would find a new job, but time has elapsed and he is becoming more and more despondent. Ella, [...]
