Although both men and women can develop internet or gaming addictions, it seems that many more women are talking about their husbands playing video games constantly. Constant video gaming can lead to marital problems and sadly, in many cases, divorce. Gaming Addiction People can become addicted to video games in similar fashion that people become [...]
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You and your partner have decided to split. You have kids at home. What should you be thinking about in terms of their short run, medium run, and long-term needs? I raise this long question because I hear all sorts of stories as I counsel couples. I also see children, both kids and adults, who [...]
This is always a timely question, but particularly around the holiday season. We will be going over to the houses of family and friends. Somebody may be there who has hurt us deeply. Should we let bygones be bygones, should we not go, or should we confront them? These are some thoughts. Not everyone is [...]
We just talked about how to prepare your somewhat older kids for the holiday visits. What about your younger kids—newborns to four? What can you do to prepare them and your family and friends for the visits? The most important thing to remember is that little ones get easily overwhelmed. A young child needs certainty, [...]
It’s holiday time and you’re going to take your kids to a Thanksgiving or holiday event. You may be staying over for a period of time. What should you do to prepare them for some of the possible tension? What should you do to prepare your family and friends to deal with your kids? Here [...]
Pornography can be a big issue in some marriages. Often, it’s the men who want to view it and the wives who aren’t comfortable with it. It leads to some people asking, is pornography really bad for a marriage? One of the potential problems with pornography is that it can become addictive. Watching pornographic images increases dopamine levels [...]
Many people would say that they treat their spouse quite well. However, it’s important to look at how you really treat your spouse each day. How many positive actions do you have compared to negative interactions? How do you treat your spouse when you are at your best? What behaviors do you exhibit? How do [...]
Many people feel guilt about feeling anger. Often, they deny that they ever even become angry. Although being slow to anger is a great quality, denying that you ever even feel angry can have serious consequences. Anger is a feeling just like happiness, sadness, and fear. It isn’t wrong to feel angry. In fact, when [...]
It’s important to be open to new ideas, new experiences and new adventures during your marriage. If your spouse suggests trying something new, be open minded about it. Trying new things can help you grow together as a couple. People who feel bored with life often make boring partners. Boredom can be a big problem [...]
There’s this couple. She sings in a chorus and he’s a manic baseball fan. She travels around the world with her group and he is a walking encyclopedia of his team. Can this relationship be saved? Here are some ideas. The questions you need to ask are in no particular order. First, ask yourself: Do [...]
Listening is an important skill for any marriage. Truly listening to your partner requires you to pay close attention to what they are saying without focusing on what you are thinking. This can be very difficult if your feelings are hurt, you disagree with what your partner is saying, or you are angry. Learning how [...]
One of my clients told me recently: “My girlfriend’s cat died. She had to put it down. Both of us couldn’t be there. But that was a couple of days ago. And she’s still going on…” That got me thinking: how should you and your close ones handle the death of a pet? Here are [...]
What adjectives would you use to describe your spouse? How would you describe his personality? His behaviors? His attitude and outlook on life? The way you view your partner can have a big impact on the marriage. Carl and Ashley had been married for four years. Carl liked things to be neat and orderly, while [...]
Building and maintaining a relationship with your spouse’s family requires some work. Research studies show that having a good relationship with your in-laws can make for a happier marriage. If you haven’t had a good relationship with your in-laws, it’s not too late to work on repairing the relationship. Focus on what you have in common [...]
Sometimes people offer apologies or make self-deprecating statements as a defense mechanism. This can cause difficulties in the relationship when it interferes with communication and problem solving. Learning to recognize this as a defense mechanism and a barrier to resolving the issue can help people develop a strategy to respond to this. People who use [...]
In terms of doing therapy, one of the major issues clients face is dealing with their pride. Should a person apologize and admit that they made a mistake? Should a person take a job at a lower pay than s/he made before? Should someone go out of their way to help someone when that person [...]
In some marriages, people act very nice and polite all the time. It actually isn’t healthy. Your spouse should be the person that you can show your anger, frustration, sadness, and irrationality to, and they’ll still love you. As children, we learn the importance of being polite. And this usually serves us well. When you [...]
Do you or your spouse have difficulty saying no to people? Sometimes people strive to be people pleasers. They spend their evenings and weekends helping others and staying busy. This can take a toll on the marriage. Maybe you feel like you can’t decline an invitation even when you don’t want to go. Or maybe [...]
The news has been sharing stories about states legalizing the use of GPS tracking devices to track your spouse’s whereabouts. It’s an interesting concept that a person would go so far to check up on their partner that they would track their movements. People who feel jealous sometimes exhibit desperate behaviors to see if their partner is [...]
Do we all have the same sex drives throughout our lives? What happens when we’re a couple and one person wants more sex? What happens when one person no longer wants sex? These are crucial issues for each person and for both people inside the relationship. Let’s proceed carefully, with sensitivity. Begin with one person [...]
In such a difficult economy, an increasing number of couples are looking for effective strategies to improve, strengthen or even save their marriages, without having to incur the often substantial expense of working with a professional counselor. There are so many popular books and websites out there offering untested and unprofessional strategies for saving or [...]
We don’t often talk about what we do to help our partner to put on—and keep on—extra weight. Yet, it’s a very powerful force in our lives. Here are some thoughts about this—and some tips to try to help both of you. Before we begin, let’s say A is the person at risk and B [...]
Many couples spend countless hours planning their wedding day. However, a lot of those same couples don’t spend nearly as much time planning their marriage together. It is very important for couples to talk about their goals, values, and hopes and dreams prior to getting married to ensure that these will be compatible with their [...]
Sometimes people say that their partner just does not know how to communicate. Often, women will say, “my husband just does not know how to express himself.” It is actually impossible to not communicate at all. Even if he’s not talking, he’s still communicating. The majority of communication is actually non-verbal. So if your partner [...]
When you and your partner have a disagreement, how do your conflicts end? It’s important to examine how your conflicts resolve. Healthy conflict resolution is good for the marriage. If your conflicts do not end in a healthy way, it can create further marital problems. When you and your partner disagree on an issue, what [...]
Insecure people tend to seek constant reassurance. This can be difficult for the spouse. Sometimes verbal affirmations just don’t seem to be enough no matter how many times they are repeated. This can be stressful for a marriage. Insecurities can come in several different forms. Sometimes people are self-conscious about their appearance. Imagine a woman [...]
If your spouse was married previously and had children, chances are, you have to deal with their ex. Although some families manage this well and make it look easy, this can be difficult for the majority of families. Step-parenting is a difficult task by nature. Throw in a difficult ex-spouse, and it can create some [...]
Validating your partner’s feelings can be very helpful to the relationship. Learning how to acknowledge the other person’s feelings can diffuse a lot of arguments and help the other person feel heard. It can show that you have empathy for his/her feelings even when you disagree on something. Simply stating that you recognize your partner’s [...]
Are you guilty of bringing up the past during a heated debate? Do you remind your spouse of a mistake he/she made a decade ago? If so, it is unlikely to be helpful. If you continue to be angry about something that happened years ago, the middle of an argument about a completely unrelated subject [...]
