As I have written before, I am both an anthropologist and clinical psychologist. In my latter role, one of the populations with whom I work is children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome. Over the years I have noticed that a child who has Asperger’s Syndrome can be “finicky” when s/he eats. In this post, I [...]
In today’s fast-paced society, many people feel like they thrive on multi-tasking. People text while talking to others in a busy restaurant, clean the house while talking on the phone, and have multiple screens open on their computer so they can pay bills and catch up on social media all at the same time. This [...]
Anger can cause problems in a marriage. How people behave when they are angry can contribute to a breakdown in the marriage. Sometimes people don’t recognize that their anger is a problem. It can be helpful to spend some time thinking about how you handle your anger and how this impacts your relationship. Think about [...]
Winter is here for many of us. Less sunlight, snow, clouds, rain, being shut in—these are the ingredients of a season that leads many of us to gloom. I have a few suggestions, but I want to preface my remarks by saying that I know many of us in this economy do not have all [...]
When people are angry with themselves, their anger impacts all areas of their life. Feeling angry at yourself is going to interfere with relationships, work, and how you feel about yourself in general. If you’ve done something wrong, it’s important to learn how to deal with the consequences effectively. When you’ve made a mistake, you [...]
What you think about impacts how you feel. The more you think about something that causes you to feel angry, the angrier you will feel. Thought stopping is an effective tool that can help you manage your anger. When people feel angry, sometimes they tend to dwell on whatever caused them to feel that way. [...]
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Whether you struggle to manage your frustrations about traffic, have difficulty tolerating your spouse’s bad habits, or arrive home from work still angry, it’s important to learn skills to help you manage your anger. If you struggle to manage your anger it’s likely to impact your marriage in several different ways. When people experience chronic [...]
Some people tend to behave crabby and irritable all the time. They are easily angered and let their frustrations be known. This can have serious negative consequences to all of their relationships, especially their marriage. People who always seem to be in a bad mood tend to point out minor inconveniences in life. They often [...]
Anger is a feeling. Aggression is a behavior. However, often the two get confused. At other times people use their anger as an excuse to behave in an aggressive manner. Anger is an acceptable emotion just like happiness or sadness. Everyone feels angry sometimes. However, many people deny that they ever feel angry. For others, [...]
A bad temper can be toxic to many relationships, especially a marriage. It can cause a variety of problems for both partners. A bad temper can be a bad habit and without appropriate anger management skills, it can lead to a marriage dissolving. People who have a bad temper often “explode.” They may yell, scream, [...]
Your partner is unemployed. Perhaps s/he has just lost their job or has been downsized. S/he is depressed, anxious, and at loose ends. You both feel exhausted and at dead ends. Are there actions that you can take to help her or him? This will be a two-part post. Here are a few suggestions. Before [...]
When your partner is out of line with his behaviors, it is important to focus on managing yourself. When your partner’s anger or behaviors escalate, your reaction can either fuel the fire or not. Learning how to keep your emotions and behaviors in check is important to a healthy marriage. How do you handle your [...]
I don’t want to get into a debate over causes of obesity and all the reasons why people become overweight. I do have some thoughts about helping in terms of weight control. For many years I have been working on doing psychological assessments for people who are thinking of going through gastric bypass or laparoscopic [...]
All couples face various stressors throughout their lives. Many major points of stress are caused by major life transitions. Difficulty dealing with these stressors can have a negative impact on the marriage if they are not dealt with successfully. For many couples, milestones that cause stress include the birth of a child, caring for an [...]
Acts of aggression can be very damaging to the marriage. Aggression does not just include physical aggression. Aggression includes verbal altercations, threats, or even intimidating looks. Any behavior used to get your partner to “back down” can be considered aggressive. Aggression often causes one person to seek control over making decisions and it becomes impossible for the couple [...]
Probably everybody is guilty of saying something they didn’t mean at least one time in their life. However, for some people, it becomes a habit. They tend to retaliate, say mean things, and call their spouse names out of anger. This causes damage to the relationship each time it occurs. When you are angry, do [...]
Sometimes trying something new feels awkward, especially at first. Fear of embarrassing yourself may prevent you from doing something different. No one likes to feel awkward and many people avoid doing anything that would make them feel this way. However, it can be easy to get stuck in a marital rut and without making changes [...]
When people feel angry, they have to decide whether or not to express their anger to their partner immediately. Some people decide to hold in their angry feelings as long as they can, but then it explodes. Other people immediately let their anger be known. It is important to be able to communicate with your [...]
Where in the list of your life’s priorities is your relationship? It is often an interesting exercise for couples to separately create their list of their top five priorities. Then compare to see where they differ on priorities and which priorities are the same. Where does your job come in on the list of life’s priorities? [...]
When something bad happens, sometimes people tend to ruminate about it. They re-play the event over and over in their head. They dwell on how bad it was. They continue to feel bad about it. It creates a cycle where people feel bad and they can get stuck feeling that way. There’s a difference between [...]
Most people think that multi-tasking is a good thing. We live in a society where we value productivity. Don’t waste any time – ever. Instead, be as busy as you can. Unfortunately, this mindset actually can cause people to be less productive and causes them to miss out on the present moment. How [...]
A lot of people have phobias. To people who don’t have a phobia, it can be hard to understand. People develop phobias about a variety of things such as spiders, elevators, heights, blood, or airplanes. A phobia becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with a person’s daily life. For example, a person who is afraid [...]
In such a difficult economy, an increasing number of couples are looking for effective strategies to improve, strengthen or even save their marriages, without having to incur the often substantial expense of working with a professional counselor. There are so many popular books and websites out there offering untested and unprofessional strategies for saving or [...]
Remember the old Johnny Paycheck Song, “Take this job and shove it?” It sounded tempting. But in these tough times, it’s not realistic. So, what do you do to make yourself happy while staying at your job? The first step is to accept two facts. The first is that your job is less than satisfying. [...]
Moving on with suggestions for older people with these conditions, the older person needs to learn to use her or his already developed skills. An older person, especially if she or he is not taking medication for ADHD/ADD, should find alternative ways of helping herself or himself focus, organize, entertain, and reduce over stimulation.
Lots of attention is being paid to children and young adults with ADHD/ADD. Lately, girls and women with these conditions are being understood. Now is the time to look at what happens with older people – as individuals and in relationships. There isn’t as much research on these topics as is needed. Many of our [...]
Everyone has stress in their lives. Money, work, chores, children, and other daily responsibilities can add up to a lot of stress if people do not learn how to effectively manage it. When people are not doing well with their stress, they can become withdrawn, irritable, anxious, depressed, and angry. This can take a toll [...]
In case you’re looking for some free advice, and you haven’t yet made the decision to go forward with real therapy or marriage counseling, I want to introduce you to a website we started 4 years ago. Talk About Marriage (http://talkaboutmarriage.com) was started so the public would have an open, supportive forum where they could [...]
The CDC estimates that 60 million Americans over the age of 20 are obese. For adolescents ages 6 to 19, 9 million are overweight. This means there’s a good likelihood that you, your spouse, or your children have a weight problem. Parents who are overweight are more likely to have children who are overweight. Obesity [...]
