Couples Counseling As a Discussion
Very seldom is couples counseling a subject brought up out of the blue. It is usually a topic that has been thought about for a while, but without the proper avenue to bring the topic out in the open, it stays solitary, unable to help.
Most people are afraid of talking about couples counseling with their partner because it will appear as an admission of defeat; that their relationship is failing somehow and needs outside help. Especially for those couples who built their relationship on the idea that all they needed was each other, it can be a frightening thought that they need someone else to help rebuild the foundation blocks of their relationship.
So the question is, when and how to bring up the idea of couples counseling?
- Open the discussion of counseling when you are not fighting.
Any demand or ultimatum given to a partner in the heat of an argument is likely to be taken as a threat, or at the very least a negative association with personal blame. The idea will often only merge into another factor in the current argument.
- Bring up the subject during a quiet moment, in a time and place where there are no heavy distractions. This also helps to show your partner that the idea is coming from a place of calm contemplation, rather than anger and blame.
- When you first broach the subject, remember to keep the focus on improving your relationship and becoming better partners, not because one of you is to blame for ruining it all. If counseling is discussed as a way to punish and blame your partner than it is doubtful they will agree to go.
- Take responsibility for your part in the relationship and explain that you want to work on your relationship skills, together, in couples counseling.
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