The Marriage Counseling Blog

The patterns of resentment and anger that occur in many relationships are one of the major complaints of people entering into couples counseling. Anger is one of the most common and hurtful patterns that develop in relationships and it can become a habit that is both destructive and addictive. For many couples, the excitement and rush of an angry encounter is often described as the “only time they feel a connection,” while for many other couples, it deadens further the emotional connection that they once had.

At it’s core, Anger becomes more prevalent in insecure relationships and thrives in an environment with minimal communication and emotional attachment. Resentment is a key element in anger and helps sustain the fires of anger long past any one individual event.

The AAMFT has some very good advice on Handling Anger in Relationships:

1. When you have anger toward another person, start with an internal check of your own emotional state. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do.
2. Before feeling attacked or hurt, make an attempt to give others the benefit of the doubt, especially if you have nothing to lose by doing so.
3. Ask yourself if you have legitimate assumptions about the intentions of others.
4. Keep the lines of communication open. When you feel resentment building, see if you can journal your feelings and then share your thoughts with a loved one.
5. Explore your participation in relationships that repeatedly bring out the worst in you.
6. Always consider individual or family therapy in instances where your anger feels out of control and/or mysterious.

If you are stuck in a pattern of anger and resentment, consider marriage counseling or couples counseling as a way to begin again.

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