Learning the Art of Communication with Couples Counseling
It took a lot to bring Bill and Beth into the counselor’s office. Both were stubborn types who didn’t see much of a reason for marriage counseling - except for the very real fact that their marriage was rapidly going down hill. Bill felt as if Beth didn’t do much to contribute to the household while Beth felt that’s all she was doing. She worked a full-time job (as did Bill) then came home and spent her first hour cleaning and doing chores.
When Bill arrived home, he expected dinner to be prepared and the house to be clean.
“What is this, Leave it to Beaver? This isn’t the 50’s!” Beth pronounced.
Bill felt his job was infinitely more difficult and draining (a trial lawyer), while Beth should have the energy to pick up the slack (a librarian). This head-butting went on for over a year, escalating to a point where neither of them were doing any house work and they were preparing meals and eating separately.
In therapy, they both learned to listen. Though it sounds simple, when there is embedded problem that’s been going on for quite some time, it’s often not that easy to do. They were taught not to “cross talk” or talk over one another and validate what the other way saying before proceeding with their own opinions. Bit by bit, the two parties formed a compromise: Beth would deal with weekly duties while Bill would do some heavier projects on the weekends.
Listening sounds like a simple thing except when it’s not happening. Two people can learn how to shed the ego, open up, genuinely listen and finally, make some compromises.
Listening is key-important, and the next step seems to be to communicate to your partner that they were heard. To make the other person know they were listened to :-)