The Marriage Counseling Blog

Sandra and Elisa had been together for close to 10 years before entering counseling. Both had moderately successful careers, an extensive social network and a happy home. But over the last few years, they “grew apart” as Sandra put it. Neither could pick their finger on why but both were afraid this distance spelled the end.

Elisa had this to say:

We don’t fight. Sometimes I wish we did. It’s just…well, we don’t have much in common anymore. I don’t really know what to tell Sandra…it’s all been said, it seems like. On an average Saturday night, for instance, she wants to go party with her friends and I want to stay at home and bake cookies and read a book. I’m worried that our distance will just keep growing and growing until our relationship sort of fades away.

The couples counselor could sense the distance between the two. He also witnessed the fact that the two sat very far apart from one another and rarely made eye contact. As he worked in-depth with them for several sessions, he suggested a trial separation. It seemed as if both needed the time apart to explore their own lives in a more complex and individual manner.

After several months, where Sandra lived a town away with her family, the two renewed counseling.

According to Sandra:

We needed some time away…maybe in order to appreciate one another again. We have way more in common than I thought. How can I tell this? Spend some time with your family! I couldn’t wait to get back to our home and our lives. Relationships take focus and work. I never wanted to believe that. I thought it should all come naturally. But I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m happy to be here so we can figure out some new ways to connect. I’m happy to do the work that it takes to keep us close.

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• The Art of Letting Go through Couples Counseling
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