Marriage Counseling and Leaving the Past Behind
Marta was not having an easy time letting go. Her husband Sean had been unfaithful to her during their first year of marriage, over 10 years ago. It had put such a schism in their marriage that by the time they
entered marriage counseling, neither were communicating at all.
As Sean put it:
I made a mistake. I know that. I feel badly every day about it. It didn’t help that it was with her good friend. I know she feels betrayed, I know she doesn’t trust me…but it was ten years ago! When is this ever going to break? There’s a big, black cloud in our house and everybody knows something is wrong. What else can I do? Do I have to cut myself to prove I’m sorry? Sometimes I wish she would just cheat on me so we could be even, so we could just move on.
The counselor realized the depth and complexity of this marital problem. Marta was non-communicative, even in couples counseling, often sitting quietly, arms folded, eyes cast downward. The couples counselor suggested individual counseling for Marta, with a separate counselor. Obviously, Marta had shut down profoundly and needed the safety and sanctity of a space to call her own, where she could explore some of the deeper feelings of betrayal that she experienced earlier in her life, so she could move on with her husband.
Counseling often hearkens back problems from childhood, which was the case with Marta, whose father had left her at any early age. Until she addressed some of these wounded feelings, couples counseling could only help so much.
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