The Marriage Counseling Blog

Many counselors experience a common phenomenon in couples counseling that goes a little something like this: one partner goes to great lengths to explain the problems their marriage or relationship are experiencing while the other sits stoically, arms folded, with eyes firmly fixed on his or her shoes. And its not always the women doing all of the talking. It simply depends on who is the the more extroverted of the two.

When the quieter partner speaks, they often complain that they don’t know why he or she is there in the first place, that it feels awkward airing their dirty laundry or simply, “What do you want me to say?”

It’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable during your first few sessions of couples counseling, especially if you tend toward some shyness or stoicism. Opening up to a stranger – or even your partner – open difficult feelings is never an easy process. Revealing yourself increases your risk of vulnerability and when you are going through a trying time with your partner, it can just be too hard!

It’s very important you are patient with yourself and don’t feel like a failure, especially in relation to your more talkative partner. This isn’t a contest. When you feel ready, talk about what feels right. If you feel like you are being pushed too hard to express yourself, voice these concerns. A good therapist will be patient and wait until you feel safe and comfortable.

And remember, it’s a process. You don’t have to “get it right.” Experiment with expressing your feelings and see how you do. You may feel a little vulnerable or even irritated or confused. But its normal to have some defense mechanisms kick in when you reveal yourself to your couples counselor as well as your partner. Just remember, patience first!

Related Posts

• The Act of Opening up in Couples Therapy
• Opening Up to the Idea of Couples Counseling
• Couples Therapy & The Art of Arguing
• Couples Counseling and Opening Up to Exercises
• The Art of Patience in Couples Counseling