The Resistant Partner with the Most to Say
When Fannie and Hal arrived at their couples counseling, Hal had trouble entering the office. He felt very uncomfortable entering into therapy and only entered because “she made me,” as he later confessed.
Fannie had taken on a new job several months before. This was the first time she entered the workforce. The two had been married for a decade and Hal didn’t want his wife to work. Fannie stayed at home and raised their daughter.
But after years of staying home and her daughter in school, she wanted to be more active. She felt she spent too much time at home and felt that “there’s more to life than doing dishes.”
Hal quickly became jealous and feared that Fannie was having an affair with her boss, which she vehemently denied. Hal’s fears were not that easily allayed. He began showing up at her workplace and even went so far as call her boss on one occasion, almost costing Fannie her job.
Drastic measures were needed since Hal’s jealousies were becoming an imminent problem. After several sessions, Hal finally opened up. He had lost both his parents at an early age and didn’t understand the concept of grief and how much it matters in order to move forward in life. Pretty soon, Hal was arriving at therapy early and couldn’t wait to get inside and talk. He had a lot to say. Fannie was shocked and surprised that her husband had so much locked inside and was happy to bear witness to his old and sheltered pain.
His jealousy soon dissipated and he worked on supporting Fannie to the best of his abilities. Fannie felt like she had a “whole, hew husband” who was more giving, flexible and warm.
Therapy can unleash old pain from an individual, leaving him or her the opportunity to became anew again. There may be some resistance at first but people naturally gravitate toward health. Sometimes they just need a little guidance as to how.
