Your Marriage and Your Solution
It is very frustrating when you ask someone “What’s wrong?” and they respond that they don’t know. It is even more frustrating when they are being honest with you and really don’t know what is wrong, only that there is a problem. Getting to the bottom of some unspecific martial problems is just one of the many specialties of couples counselors.
Take Jim and Carrie, for instance. They were both unhappy in their marriage, but they couldn’t actually state what the problems were on either side. When they went to their counselor they admitted how confused and yet obviously unhappy they were.
On the outside things seem okay and we get along okay. We don’t argue a lot and we don’t hate each other. The kids are good, healthy and happy. We just don’t want to be married to each other anymore. I don’t even know why.
Jim and Carrie were obviously unclear about what their issues and problems were. With some coaxing and fine-tuned questions by the counselor, they were slowly able to get a more specific look at their relationship and their personal expectations and failures in that relationship.
Defining the problems in your marriage is very easy for some people. They may argue about specific things or be unhappy with one very important but isolated factor in their marriage. For those that don’t have a clear vision of what has gone wrong in their relationship, couples counseling can help them get to the bottom of the problem and work on a solution to saving the marriage.
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I am in a crazy relationship. My husband and I act like teenegers. I’m from Chile and he lives in USA. We got “inlove” in Chile when both of us were on vacation in north of Chile. Since then He has been returning to CHile many times just to know me more. Well we got married and now we live in USA. I’ve studied english and im working to get my bachelor in USA in order to get a job because otherwise i will be working in something that i dont want to. He told me that he had 2 bachelors HUGE LIE haha i laughed when he told me the true HE NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE. Well after many arguments he listened to me and he start college. He is doing very well in college. Well, we live in his parents house which is a crazy place to live. His dad has a disorder mental problem and is almost complete disable , so we need to take care of him (that means clean, give him showers, feed him etc…) Taking care of a disable person ITS TOTALLY OK FOR ME… now is not, because his dad scream at everybody too much talks very dirty…. its a crazy home.
Besides that since we start living here in US we stop having intimacy and privacy. He touchs himself EVERY SINGLE DAY… first I didnt notice… Starts one night we were sleeping and i felt the bed moving like an earthquake (seriously) and he told me that he dindt wake me up… i say OH NO YOUR WELLCOME… he said: im tired now its late. FINE… next day the same… the same… until i gave up… He told me that is something that he is so used to at. He touch himself no just when he is going to sleep, he looked himself in the room or bathroom any time per hours. If he not touch himself He is so irratated and he needs it every day for at least 20 times (no kidding Im not exagerating).
Like woman I felt so UGLY NO SEXY AT ALL… I tried everything to let him pay me attention. nothing works. WE have “intimacy” one time every two months if Im lucky. There are times (few) that he had asked me to do it and I said NO because its always when he wants. I hate it! I hate been the one looking and being rejected. I will love feel sexy and loved.
We have 2 years marriage and I enjoyed of our relationship when we were single and in Chile. In his parents house is a crazy place to live. We tried to live out for 6 months WAS THE SAME… NO INTIMACY. EARTHQUAKES EVERY DAY ANY MOMENT. I have to go to bed 2 HOURS LATER THAT HIM BECAUSE I DONT WANT NOTHING TO DISTUBE MY SLEEP. I TOLD HIM THAT AND HE WAS AGREE WITH IT. Better for him nobody watching or feeling him.
We fight too much, I’m so JEALOUS… I think I will lose him but I KNOW I LOST HIM ALREADY its funny. I think that he will leave me for other girl. sometimes the stupid husband that i have look girls and he says ITS NORMAL IM A MAN… OHHH HE WATCH A LOT OF PORN… sometime i wake up at 4am and he is right there on the PC watching and touching himself. I have to take the cables off of the pc. sometimes my bad because i forgot to do it.
He screams for everything, HE smokes a lot too. So he watch porn by himself, masturbate, smoke 2 packs a day and drink a lot of cocacola. I hate it… I hate the fact that I feel that HE LOVES ME BUT HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME… IM LYING TO MYSELF? I dont know if I love him anymore because I hate all his habits, I hate when he yells at me all the time. IF i knock the room or bathroom door when he is doing YOU KNOW WHAT…
He looks woman too much, he said IM NOT LOOKING EYES, I AVOID EYES CONTACT I JUST LOOKING WHAT GOD CREATE IT… wtf WRITING THIS MAKES ME CRY AND FEEL EMBARRASED OF MYSELF…
I FEEL THAT I LOST EVERYTHING… I LOST DIGNITY, LOVE TO MYSELF, BEFORE I SEND TO HELL ANYONE WHO SHOWED ME ANY DISRESPECT… NOW WHAT? I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN WITH ME.
BAD THINGS ABOUT ME… THE JEALOUS, I WANT EVERYTHING BEING PERFECT. I DONT LIKE MY HUSBAND OR THE PERSON WHO “LOVES” ME look other girls THAT IS SO LOW CLASS. I have my Bachelor Degree in Chile. Here i learned English (sorry for my gramar but I’m improvig). I planned to go to do my MBA in Europe but i changed all for go and being married (something that was far of my dreams before) SORRY IF I WROTE TOO MUCH Im lost… I want to be alone again… Even if I will feel embarrased in Chile for go back DIVORCED and my family ask me questions I HAVE NO CHANCE I NEED TO BE THERE IN CHILE AND ENJOY MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY…
IN MY LIFE I SUCCEED IN EVERYTHING I WANTED… EVERYTHING BUT NOT IN MY MARRIAGE MAYBE THAT IS WHY IS SO HARD FOR ME LEAVE MY MARRIAGE.. I KEEP THINKING THAT LOVE ITS GONNA CHANGE HIM… Love is powerfull… haha there is no love is it?
He regreats the fights and see me crying sometimes and he PROMISED MANY TIMES… NO MORE touching etc… and that long hours… no even days…
bye
PS I will love to see him as the beggining… back 3-4 years ago… everything was OK…