Counseling - When the Roles Change
Beth explained to the marriage counselor that she had supported Frank through most of college. She was working full-time and he was studying law. When Frank graduated, he quickly landed a position in one of the top law firms in the area. His career was taking off and Beth and Frank finally felt a sense of financial relief, after years of struggling. Beth happily stayed at home and raised their two children and continued her writing in the evening. Finally, they felt they were in a place where they were both comfortable…that’s until Beth’s book was published.
Beth occasionally sent her book into various publishing houses with very little thought. She didn’t even care when the mail came and contained a ton of rejection letters. Well, one fairly established publishing house decided to publish her book and the book took off. Pretty soon, Beth’s year was filled with tour dates, deadlines and other literary engagements. Frank wasn’t very supportive. He felt they had worked hard to get where they were and why did she have to go and “rock the boat?”
The counselor listened as Beth and Frank rapidly told his or her version of the story. Beth was thrilled about her career but irate that Frank couldn’t be supportive when it was her time to shine. Frank wanted the old status quo back and felt he was plenty supportive…financially!
The counselor explored this idea with Frank, which can be common among some men - that financial support means emotional support. Frank soon learned ways to genuinely support Beth and not feel threatened by her pursuits. Beth learned to validate Frank’s feelings and reiterate her commitment to their marriage. Underneath it all, Frank feared she might leave. Both learned as well that the success of their marriage depended on the success of each individual - one didn’t need to be the primary success-giver!
