Counseling - When Time is of the Essence
Frank and Helen had been married 27 years when Frank was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. He had less than a year to live and it hit the couple blindsided.
Helen explains to the marriage counselor:
We didn’t expect it in a million years. He’s always been so healthy. Finally, when we reach retirement, after working all these years, we get hit with this? It seems so unfair. But what’s worse is how much strain and stress this has put on us. Instead of this bringing us together, it feels like we’re being pulled apart. We fight all the time now. Frank is in a constant bad mood. This isn’t how I pictured it, any of it.
Serious illness is never planned and can often put an enormous strain on a relationship. There are many decisions to be made and factors to consider and both parties are under an enormous amount of stress. Helen and Frank spent a limited amount of sessions doing “damage control” as they put it.
Both had decided they didn’t want to stay in counseling very long due to their constraints but didn’t want to fight so much. The counselor first spend some time with Frank as he explored his feelings around death, illness and spirituality. Frank allowed himself the mental space to grieve his situation.
Together, the couple explored the upcoming year and put some coping mechanisms into place that would help alleviate some of the arguing. Both became increasingly aware of the other’s underlying emotions, which helped explain some of bickering. Both were devastated and worried and once they were able to share that with one another, the arguing ceased and a certain bond and focus formed.
