Emotional Role Transference
Many readers have written to us in response to the post on Emotional Infidelity and how many aspects of it can also be considered role transference. Emotional infidelity is most usually described as the emotional attachment to someone who is not your spouse but is essentially filling every role usually played out except for the physical one. The physical role is usually unfulfilled because of a moral compass on the part of the spouse that refuses to take “cheating” to that level and who, incorrectly, assumes that it isn’t cheating if there isn’t physical contact.
Role Transference
Another type of emotional infidelity which is similar is when the role of opposite-sex support, guidance, companionship and love are being fulfilled by someone with whom there is no physical component whatsoever. A family member, for instance.
Karen explained her issues with role transference as such:
When my brother moved in with my parents down the street in order to help take care of them, he and I started to spend a lot of time together. My husband, Bob, was traveling on business so frequently that the kids found it wonderful to have a father figure around for them all the time. My brother, who had no kids of his own, loved the attention and dove right into the family lifestyle, sitting down with the kids and helping them with homework, attending soccer games and going to school functions with them. All the while, when Bob was home, the kids started to ignore him in favor of visiting their Uncle. I realized then that I had allowed my brother to take over the role of friend and father figure to the kids, while allowing my husband’s absences to render him essentially a non-member of the family.
Karen and Bob eventually went to family counseling to sort out their roles and reconnect together as a family, while also recognizing that they were all lucky to have such a devoted member of their extended family.
Related Posts
- Transference and Marriage Counseling
- The Process of Transference in Marriage Counseling
- Emotional Infidelity in Marriage
- Establishing Your Role As A Step Parent
- Emotional Intimacy and Support
