Focus on the Positive, Relationship Therapy and Marriage Counseling
Face it, we all have idiosyncrasies that drive our spouses crazy, and if we’re not careful, we can become critical. Too critical. It’s not always the big issues that destroy marriages, but lots of little ones. We let hurts, resentments, and frustrations build and then it hits critical mass–and we find our marriages in jeopardy. Marriage counseling can get us back on track. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the good–in ourselves and in those we love.
Bill and Linda visited a counselor to seek direction.
Linda shares:
After fifteen years of marriage, we’ve hit an impass. Bill is so negative that it’s starting to effect me. He’s always been the glass is half empty kind of guy, and in the heginning I found his Eyore nature kind of endearing. Well, that lasted the first couple of years of our marriage and now it’s just plain aggravating. He gripes about work. He gripes about our neighborhood. He gripes about the economy and about the kids–but he doesn’t want to get in there and motivate them. Sure, they don’t want to do their chores–they’re boys and they’re 12 and 14. You have to use incentives, not just complain and demand. And lately, I’ve seen a real decline in Bill’s health. He’s gained almost 50 pounds and his cholesterol is oalmost 300. I’m worried he’s going to have a heart attack.
But the worst part is that he’s very negative toward me. He’s critical of everything I do–how I keep house, how I talk and do my hair, how I discipline our sons, about my girlfriends, my family–you name it and he’s got an opinion–and frankly, I’m tired of it.
Linda came to counseling alone at first. It took four sessions before Bill agreed to join her–but he did. Linda found that she could separate herself from her husband’s emotions. She learned that she could be positive and focused on her own life–without letting Bill get to her. And she learned to start appreciating Bill–by focusing on his positive attributes. She so wanted him to become more positive, but she first learned to cultivate that in herself.
Linda continues:
When I first started marriage counseling, I thought it was all about Bill and his “problem.” By taking the focus off Bill, and choosing to stay with my own emotions and what changes I want to make regarding me–my outlook, my relationships–I realized I was a lot more content–and I could begin to apprecaite our marriage, and Bill. When it started to be less about him, and more about me, I found that Bill started to come around.
Related Posts
- Marriage Focus Too Narrow
- Creating Positive Memories for a Happier Marriage
- Focus on What Works
- Focus on Managing Your Own Emotions and Behaviors, Even When Your Partner Isn’t
- Is your Relationship beyond Therapy?
