The Marriage Counseling Blog

Sometimes it feels that way–as if your marriage is running on empty. Perhaps you’ve grown apart. Perhaps you’re an empty-nester. Your kids are grown and now that the house is empty, your marriage feels empty, too.  This is a pivotal time for marriages, and many don’t make the transition. Marriage counseling can help. You already have a foundation, and you’ve weathered many storms, and now it’s time to get to know one another, let go of past hurts and regrets, and redefine who you are as a couple.

Matt and Allison found themselves in couple’s therapy. Matt shares first.

I’m here because I don’t want my marriage to end. I mean, we’ve invested 27 years together, doesn’t that count for something? Yeah, we got stuck in a routine, but is that such a bad thing? We have a nice home, we both have good jobs, our grown kids are doing okay–isn’t that worth something? Allison’s had a rough time with menopause, I mean she’s had female problems because of that and it’s effected our sex life. I’ve tried to be understanding. I don’t know exactly what she needs from me. I agree, it’s a good idea that we’re talking to somebody. I’d like to save my marriage.

Allison shares next:

Twenty-seven years of marriage and I don’t feel anything right now. I wish I did, and it’s not that I’m angry or anything–my marriage just feels dead. We’re locked into this routine of work and marriage and I’m not sure it’s what either of us wants. We haven’t had sex in two years or more, and honestly, I don’t know if I care. We don’t ever go anywhere or do anything together.  We used to go on vacation with the kids, cheer at the Little League games, and I thought that was about us, as a couple, and not just us being parents. I guess going through menopause was a wake up call. I’m getting older–we’re getting older–and I want more out of life than this. We only get one shot at being here, and it was only when I threatened divorce that he even agreed to counseling. I’m not sure we can be saved–I just know that I need more than this.

Long term marriages often run aground after the kids grow up and leave home. After years of being pulled in a thousand directions, and having our children, pets, jobs,  and activities ti hide behind, we are suddenly faced with our marriage–warts and all. It takes time to look at the damage, and then to take the first timid steps to repair and rebuild our relationships. The good news is that there can still be good times up ahead, and many, many couples do make it past this hurdle and go on to enjoy a vibrant, strong relationship for years to come.

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