The Marriage Counseling Blog

Frank and his partner Sam entered counseling for couples because Sam still hadn’t introduced Frank to his parents. Sam hadn’t officially “come out of the closet” even though the two had been together for over 7 years. This became a growing point of contention and a constant source of arguments. Frank insisted on counseling or he’d leave the relationship and their home.

Soon into therapy, it became apparent that while Frank and Sam certainly had issues they needed to work out with a counselor, Sam in particular was in need of individual counseling. He didn’t like discussing his private feelings about his sexuality with Frank present because they were both in such an adversarial state.

The marriage counselor suggested individual counseling and Sam agreed. Due to a tight budget, they could do only one of the other so Sam saw the counselor privately for several months and then they both resumed couples counseling.

By the time the couple came together, Sam had worked through many of deeper feelings surrounding his sexuality and revealing it to his parents. He also was able to express to Frank, in greater detail, why this was the case. Sam had dealt with abuse growing up which he never wanted to address and Frank had never known. Frank had a whole new perspective on Sam’s withholding and was able to be more compassionate. They even agreed that it might not be the best thing to meet the parents, until or if Sam felt ready.

Counseling allowed the couple to renegotiate a hard-held belief. Frank was insistent on meeting Sam’s parents but when he realized the bigger context, he was able to change his take. Compassion and deeper understanding were called for.