Accepting the Natural Separation in your Marriage
It’s not always easy to tell if your marriage or relationship is in need of couples counseling. All relationships, including friendships, have their own rhythm, with varying ebbs and flows. This is often difficult to accept, especially for newer relationships. The new couple wants to believe that the “enmeshment” phase will last forever. This is when you feel like you’re at one with the other; it almost hurts to be apart. And while this Romeo and Juliet period can feel wonderful, just like the Shakespearean couple, an inevitable end will occur.
This doesn’t mean the relationship is necessarily over. It simply means a natural separation needs to occur for one or both partners to find their autonomy again. Individuals need time alone to regroup, process, reflect and connect with others in order to maintain a certain mental health. In other words, we all need to come up for air at some point!
Often couples will enter counseling with one partner complaining that the other has been exhibiting a distancing behavior. This is very provocative for certain individuals, especially those with abandonment issues that often stem for childhood. This individual feels that a certain betrayal has taken place. It’s often the job of the couples counselor to teach the couple that separation is not necessarily a bad thing. The more the so-called “abandoned” partner can understand that separation is often a necessary aspect of an extended relationship for both parties to regroup. It doesn’t always indicate the worst scenario. Often, the more a couple is able to withstand this natural separation comfortably, the closer they inevitably grow. Romeo and Juliet can’t last forever.
