The Marriage Counseling Blog

The television series Sex in the City depicted a group of girlfriends who met often–and their conversations always seemed to gravitate to their relationships. They’d complain, brag, and whine about what was going right–or wrong–in their relationships. And one by one, they headed into or out of marriage 9it’s television, so drama happens). Marriage counseling in many ways, is like a good friend to your marriage. A marriage counselor listens, and offers insights that allow you and your spouse to examine your relationship so that you can make the changes needed to have a healthy and growing relationship.

Some friendships sustain your marriage–and are a great sounding board when issues come up. Other friendships are toxic, and can cause you to over-focus on a problem and make a proverbial mountain out of a mole hill.

Five Ways to Know If Your Friendships Help–or Harm–Your Marriage:

• Does your friend have a negative bent on life? Does he/she complain about everything from the waitress to the home repair guy? If so, the negative view of your marriage might be less about you and your spouse, and more about how your friend perceives the world.
• Does your friend have relationship issues of their own? Multiple divorces? Failed relationships? A relationship junkee? If so, your friend might not know what it takes to work through a long-term committed relationship.
• Does your  friend call the shots? Want you to still act single? Do you find yourself going places or doing things with them–just because they want to? Your friend could be sabotaging your relationship–not necessarily on purpose–and he/she might not even know it, but it could keep you from bonding with your spouse.
• Did your friend have a bad break up/divorce? He/she could still be hurt and bitter–and not realize that they’re casting a negative light on your relationship. Just because their spouse cheated doesn’t mean yours will. Be able to separate what happened to them–and where you’re at. Your friend might even be jealous of your relationship and feel threatened that you’ll choose your spouse over your friendship. Sadly, they’re creating that very scenario by demanding that you “choose.”

As difficult as it might be, some friendships aren’t healthy. You have to choose your marriage above all  other relationships and it’s not wise to hang out with someone who doesn’t support you and your spouse–and your decision to stay in your marriage. If you feel that your friend is projecting negative feelings on your marriage, then say so. Drop hints at first. Change the subject. Or simply say, “I don’t feel that way, and I need you to support the decision I made to be married.”

You took vows. You signed legal documents. You committed your life to your spouse. That’s a big deal. Don’t let a friendship undermine your marriage. They might not mean to, but you may have to stand your ground and let them know that your marriage does come first–as it should. A good friend will respect this. Many people wind up in marriage counseling simply because- they let a situation go on too long.  Protect and value your relationship. Good friends support you–and add to your relationship–not tear it apart.

Related Posts

• The Harmful Effects of Media on a Marriage
• Can a Separation Be Helpful to a Struggling Marriage?
• Should Spouses Be Friends?
• Friends Support Marriage Counseling
• What Role Do Your Friends Play Now That You are Married?