Breaking the Addictive Argument Cycle
Many of us in relationship know the addictive power of arguing. Hence why a good one can last till the wee hours! Egos come into play and a real need to win become prevalent. Couples counseling helps couples argue in ways that are healthy and communicative, and not 4 a.m. head bangers.
Other kinds of arguing, we inherently know are dangerous and corrosive…but we jump in there anyway. These arguments often have a cyclical quality in nature – they never seem to end. Points are repeated and often unheard. There is a drained sensation in both parties afterwards, not the sense of openness that often accompanies a healthy argument.
Some people dislike arguing at all. Retreat is the only action they know. This is difficult in a relationship or marriage because arguing often serves as a way to “clear the air.” When one party retreats, the other is often left feeling bewildered and emotionally thwarted.
In addition, when a partner retreats, there is shift in power, whether the “retreater” realizes it or not. Retreating puts someone in charge, in theory. There are no choices to be made or a discussion to be had, there is just one person contending with another person who “left the scene of the crime”, as it were.
Marriage counselors often contend with couples who simply don’t know how to have a healthy argument. They are taught skills that improve their ability to express themselves and communicate their feelings with another. For some, this is the first time in their lives they’ve learned these skills, so it takes some time and some getting used to.
Opening up is never easy, it’s a process. But the freedom it provides is unparalleled. It’s our natural state of being. Just think of a baby crying; she’s not so worried about what people think, is she?
Related Posts
- Stop the Cycle with Marriage Counseling
- Preventing A Long Term Marriage From Breaking Up
- Marriage Counseling – Breaking the Stigma Trap
- A Hot Top of Argument for Couples – Money
- How Marriage Counseling can Break Cyclical Argument Patterns
Arguments about everything is really not healthy for a relationship. It’s not just making a crack on the relationship, but it can also lessen a person’s respect from other people and to himself too.
Giving way I guess is not that hard, for me retreating does not means that you’re not brave enough to face an argument, you’re just trying to get out of trouble and longer arguments.
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