Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity?
It’s not easy, but many marriages do survive infidelity. How? Well, it takes a lot of effort. And honestly, it is easier said than done. The most important thing you need to make such a marriage survive is willingness from both the partners.
Now, the situation is such that the strayed partner feels guilty (or maybe, not so much) and the other partner feels cheated, angry, and hurt. Bringing these two together for a counseling session is a huge task. And it’s only them who can turn up for such counseling. They will, if they want to save their marriage and keep it happy in future.
One thing that must be understood here is that not all marriages survive after infidelity. Only some can, if the partners want it to.
Apologies may be the beginning of an improved relationship but apologies are never enough. They cannot do away with the trauma that the strayed partner has caused to his/her spouse.
Can professional marriage counseling really help? Well, it can. Counseling can help partners look at their problems from a fresh perspective. It may be able to find the underlying cause of infidelity. That does not mean that infidelity has a reason. Even if it has, it is never a valid one.
Even if there is a bit of interest in keeping the marriage working, spouses should go for professional counseling. It is important for the straying partner to understand that he/she won’t be judged at such a session. Often, the feeling of being out in the open stops people from seeking professional help.
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I agree a marriage can survive infidelity. A professional counseling is a neutral third party that is very useful in putting the pieces back together.
A good book for couples dealing with infidelity is Torn Asunder. but again this is best used as a part of professional counseling
Professional counselling can be good, but so often is is hard to get one partner to actually do this.
A lot of reasons for this, ego and shame and anxiety. Or plain stubborness. You need to get as far as you can with just each other first
In these circumstances it is absolutely vital that a couple (or an individual) seeks counselling from a qualified couples counsellor, not a counsellor who has decided to dabble in a bit of marriage guidance/couples counselling. He/she may not have the necessary skills and knowledge to help a couple.
Yes, infidelity causes great strains on relationships and in-depth couple’s therapy can be of great help and I would certainly agree with the comment above, highlighting what a challenge it is in the eye of guilt, anger, shame, rejection (and so forth) to get to the therapist’s consulting room in the first place. However, once there, I have seen some remarkable turn-arounds: once we acknowledge the pain that lead to infidelity in the first place and learn to communicate deeply and with compassion and Love, the road to healing is wide open. I would also encourage couple’s to think of Bert Hellinger’s concept of making repairs, so that we can eventually move on fully. I would encourage anybody affected by infidelity to dig deep and really work on what this is bringing up – ideally with their partner, if this is not possible, then certainly in individual therapy, as this can change future relationships for ever.