Changing Your Couples Counselor
Finding the right couples counselor for you takes time and patience. Even if you’re in crisis, it’s important to do the needed research in order to find the appropriate therapist. Couples counseling is an investment and you want to make sure you’re on the right track from the beginning.
So what are the ways you know if a couples counselor isn’t working for you and your significant other?
*You feel your couples counselor is taking sides. Counselors are trained to be a neutral party to a large extent. That doesn’t mean they can’t share their opinions or explore one party’s issues in more detail during a session but you should never get the sense that you’re being “ganged up on.” In addition, your partner needs to feel they are safe and heard as well.
*You feel your counselor talks down to you. A marital therapist should feel like a mediator and a guide, not a scolding parent. If you feel like your counselor is in any way condescending to you or your partner, it’s time to inform your counselor you feel this way. It may be time to find another counselor as well.
*You and your partner are not progressing. While some marital issues may take time, you should feel like you are on a healthier path, that there’s a “game plan” in place. If you feel that you and your partner are just wasting air or spinning wheels, it’s important to tell your marital counselor how you’re feeling or find another therapist.
Couples counselors are people, too. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right, regardless of the skill and professional history of your therapist. You and your partner need to check in with each other so you’re not wasting time or money.
In the same breath, a good counselor may be emotionally provocative. Make sure you’re not walking away from a counselor because he or she elicits certain uncomfortable feelings for you. The counselor may be doing his or her job correctly, it just may be difficult for you.
