Codenpendency in Marriage
Terrence was at his wit’s end. He was currently working two jobs to keep their family afloat. Sharon had quit her job a year before and still hadn’t found another one. She had found a nice position several months prior but it lasted only a few weeks. Sharon was an active alcoholic and her addictive behavior was preventing her from being able to hold down a job, due to absenteeism and poor performance, though she graduated at the top of her class in college.
Terrence did his best to manage the household but he was becoming overwhelmed and clearly suffering from signs of stress. He sat before the couples counselor with darkened circles around his eyes and his hands slightly trembling. Sharon was despondent and resentful that she was “dragged here in the first place.”
Clearly the counselor was dealing with a very codependent couple. Codependency is defined as:
co.de.pen.dence: The condition or fact of being codependent; specifically, a) tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one’s own, b) continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others, c) anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation, d) difficulty expressing feelings, e) excessive worry how others may respond to one’s feelings, f) undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others, g) self-esteem dependent on approval by others, h) tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others.
The counselor went to work on both partners. Both were equally sick from their own forms of addiction. Sharon was urged to go to a 12-step program (Al-Anon) and after several months, finally acquiesced. Terrence too went to a 12-step program for people who are in relationship with alcoholics or other addicts. It was a long road but health had finally begun to enter their relationship.
Related Posts
- Marriage Counseling as a Last Hope
- Is Your Job Lay-Off Stressing Your Marriage?
- Counseling and Unearthing the Past
- Therapy for Individuals
