Competitive Marriages
Competition has long been said to bring out the best in each of us, getting us to try harder, be better and do more in order to compete and win. In relationships, however, competition often brings out a side of each of us that is just not conducive to a kind, healthy and understanding bond.
Angel and Cordelia had both been competitive individuals long before they began dating. From sports to careers, they pushed each other to continually be better and achieve more.
Angel said:
It started off pretty funny. We would see who could run longer, sprint faster. Then it sort of spread and we started timing the crossword puzzles to see who could finish them faster. Everyone told us that we were being stupid, that it was getting out of control but it was almost a competition to see who could keep the pace up longer!
One night, after a few drinks at our favorite club, we decided to see which one of us could pick up another person the fastest. It was just some harmless flirting, to see who still “had what it takes.”
Looking back on it, you can easily see what a disaster it was. The entire idea was horrible, the habitual competing was stupid and it almost ruined our entire marriage.
Couples who constantly feel the need to compete usually feel an intense need to win every argument and take the lead in every situation, even with or against each other.
The next time you feel the overwhelming desire to compete with your spouse, think about the deeper meaning behind it. Do you really want to make the person you love lose to you just for amusement?
If your marriage has spiraled into a series of senseless competitions, talk to a marriage counselor to help you find new balance again.
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