Counseling after an Affair
Marla and Jake are in a strange position. They’re seeking couples counseling after an affair took place. The interesting aspect? The affair was between the two of them. Jake had just finalized his divorce with his previous wife and had been seeing Marla for over 3 years. Jake’s former wife was aware of his affair and based her divorce upon it. The divorce was ugly - hurt feelings, custody battles and lengthy court proceedings. Now that it was finally over, Jake looked forward to settling down with Marla, with the possibility of marriage at some point.
Problem being, Marla is not feeling as optimistic about the future. After years of a “secret” relationship, she feels her trust has been affected. She also felt the stress of the court proceedings and feels a lot of resentment towards Jake and his presumably weak handling of the legal affairs. Marla is at a point where she’s not sure if she wants to proceed in the relationship, after many years of waiting for this day.
The counselor worked on Marla’s hurt feelings, giving her room to express her fears around this new phase they were now in. She needed validation from Jake that she wasn’t going to be the next victim of an affair. She needed acknowledgment that this position has been hard on her. She also needed to express her own sense of guilt and shame for being the other woman and feeling like she was the cause of a messy divorce, where kids were involved.
None of this would be easy. Marla had genuine concerns. Relationships born out of an affair can have problems distinctly their own, mainly problems based in trust and shame. Trust needs to be build and the couples has to be capable of reassuring one another freely and openly, to start.
