Counseling and Putting your Ego Aside
Marty and Sam have been together for over four years. As gay men, they both came out of the closet around the same time and shared a lot of similar experiences when they did, such as their family distancing themselves from them. This was very painful and both Marty and Sam were happy to have one another as sounding boards. When they moved in together a year ago, some problems began. Luckily, the saw the importance of attending couples counseling right away.
The two men had isolated themselves somewhat. They had both gone through a traumatic time when they came out and only found solace in one another. They had lost most of their friends and their family was no longer a resource.
The squabbling soon began. Since both Marty and Sam have two very powerful, dominant personalities, neither would tend to back down. Stand-offs would occur and neither would speak to one another, sometimes for weeks.
When they entered therapy, the first task was to remove the idea of “right” and “wrong” and focus on problem solving. This took some time, but until they realized they had a common goal, very little would be accomplished. They had to become a team again. And this meant relinquishing some ego-driven needs.
Egos are needed aspects of our personality but sometimes they get in the way when it comes to therapeutic work. There’s a saying that goes “You can either be right or happy.” That sums up the need to put your ego aside and instead, define a common goal and focus on that.
Ultimately, being right isn’t always as important as you might think!
