Counseling and Unearthing the Past
Counseling can be a very difficult process. Often underneath seemingly superficial squabbles lies year of pent-up anger and pain. It’s never easy to unearth these feelings and couples can have a difficult time dealing with the weight and complexity of these issues. Such was the case with Frank and Sharon. Frank refused to divorce Sharon and Sharon wanted a separation or divorce to be a mutual decision. She hoped things would get better but was prepared for the worst. She felt, in her words:
We had enough dissent in our relationship. Ever since we started, it seems like we’ve been arguing. When we first met, we got in an argument. Can you believe that? I just wanted this last phase to have some peace, if humanly possible.
Through couples counseling, Frank had revealed that there was abuse in his past. A fact that he had concealed from Sharon during the entirety of their marriage. Sharon was shocked. Frank himself had trouble accepting his own truth:
I knew it had happened. I just didn’t talk about it. It seems like the more you don’t talk about it, the more likely it is to go away. But that’s just not true. It seems like it gets bigger. I realize what had happened to me has caused our marriage a lot of the problems. It’s kept me a half person. I’m ready to be whole now. I’m ready to be a better husband now.
The two began relating on a whole different level, able to communicate without bickering for the first time in years. Frank pursued individual counseling and really felt he was becoming a “whole new man.” Sharon stopped talking about divorce and slowly started making plans with Frank, for a shared future together.
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