Counseling in the Thick of it All
When Frank and Amanda entered counseling, they were in the thick of it. Not believing they had any longstanding issues to work out, the couple entered marital counseling because of one single argument they had been having for over 6 months.
Six months ago, Frank had ran into an old friend at a party. It was more than an old friend. He ran into someone he had apparently seen right before dating Amanda. Amanda had never heard of this woman and was shocked when she met her and saw how much Frank and she seemed to “hit it off.” When they left the party, Amanda was fixated. Who was this woman? Why had she never heard of her? How serious were the two of them?
Frank brushed it off. He never mentioned her, he said, because he didn’t think their relationship was particularly significant. It was short-lived and rather superficial. This wasn’t enough for Amanda who obsessed on it for months to come.
By the time they sat before a counselor, they were mid-argument, very much stuck in a cyclical place with one another. The counselor, with some time, got to the deeper meaning of this argument, though it took some time. Amanda was not entirely happy in her marriage. Ironically, it was she who was thinking of straying and recently reflecting back on old loves. This shocked Frank but he listened intently to what Amanda had to say and was more than willing to make adjustments. He hadn’t any clue their marriage was actually encountering problems. He just thought Amanda was crazy!
Counseling can help dig to the deeper level. It can help reveal what truly lies beneath a seemingly innocuous argument.
It’s true that couples, like every relationship dynamic are heavily based on communication and trust. The problems are in when thoughts or feelings aren’t communicated and an old trust that things are unchanged conflict. We all assume that everything stays the same unless we are told or observe otherwise. In marriage relationships these communicated thoughts can grow to a point that it can disrupt the marriage. In my practice I often get consulted by a spouse that hasn’t conveyed thoughts of disappointment to the other. When ever I become aware of it I ask if they have considered counseling.
Hi,
An interesting and evocative article, I would like to add:
Marriage today is far more complex. For earlier generations, the roles of men and women were clearly defined and each knew what was expected of them. If these expectations were fulfilled then there was a reasonable chance that the relationship would last for some considerable time, often “till death do you part”.
Counseling can help couples work through their problems and stay together or at least accept that the relationship is over and try to seperate as amicably as possible.
Many Thanks
Regards
Dawn Pugh
Http://www.dawnpugh.com