Counseling - When Talking Doesn’t Help
We all know the feeling of a cyclical argument. It’s the type that could last until 4 in the morning. It’s the type where the same accusations are heard over and over again, in different tones and with different words - but still the same message. It’s the type that leaves you drained by the time you’re done, wondering what your real point was in the first place. Both parties feel defeated instead of enlightened.
There are “good” arguments - and we all know the sensation they they create as well. There’s a sense of “clearing the air” and a renewed sense of love toward one another. Healthy communication skills occur, where both parties, while occasionally defensive, understand - or at least try to understand - the other’s side. The discussion doesn’t last forever - both know when it’s time to move onto other things and let go of the talk.
Marriage counseling is helpful when couples feel stuck and can’t seem to move their argument forward to that “clearing of the air” space. Most of the time, communication skills come into play. Cyclical arguments usually if not always mean certain communication skills aren’t in place; listening is not occurring. And that’s only the beginning of learning proper skills. Validation is key as well. We all know how good it feels when we bring up a difficult topic and someone concurs with you and says they understand. What a relief! Validation of your feelings on a consistent basis creates a bond, a trust. You begin to feel more and more comfortable telling the other person what’s really going on with you.
If you feel like your stuck in a rut with your partner, where the arguments all sound the same with no real resolution, couples counseling could be key. The beauty of it is: it’s not that hard to learn communication skills if the two of you are lacking. Just like learning any other skill, it requires understand, familiarity and practice.
