Couples Counseling and Integrating Families
Marcia was obviously very nervous during her first couples counseling session with her live-in partner Sam. She had been dealing with anxiety issues for some time. Sam sat there silently, with a very serious look on his face. Sam had three children from a previous marriage and Marcia was having trouble bonding with them.
According to her:
I just get so uncomfortable around them. They want their mom and dad to get back together so I can tell they look at me like the enemy. I want them to like me…almost too much. I don’t feel like I can ever discipline them though I feel I have the right to. I mean, it’s my home too. I worry that they’re never gong to like me, that I’ll always be the outsider. That maybe they are right - Sam and his wife should be together.
According to Sam:
I wish she’d relax a little. The kids do like her but she acts so anxious around them, it pushes them away. I know they’d like my wife and I to be married but they understand why we’re not and frankly, they seem a lot happier now. My youngest said, “I’m happy to not hear you two fighting anymore.”
The couples counselor worked on ways to empower Marcia during this transitional time and reminded her that merging families often take a good deal of time, that patience is often called for. At one point, the children were brought in as well. The children listened while Marcia explained her feelings, with the youngest child coming up afterwards and kissing her on the cheek. They even played games together, which the counselor felt contributed to this new bond.
New families are never easy. They often take a good deal of renegotiation and time. Marcia learned to relax in front of her new family and empower herself in a trying situation. Sam and the children did their best to make her feel more included and loved.
