The Marriage Counseling Blog

Making time for intimacy is becoming an increasingly common issue that couples bring into couples counseling. There seems to be a time shortage with increasing work hours and familial obligations. Sex almost seems like a luxury that many couples can’t seem to afford.

In the same breath, when sex constantly gets put on the back burner, couples will find that the very passion that fuels their relationship can begin to diminish. When it becomes too much of a secondary issue, it can cause serious problems in a relationship.

What are some ways to make time for romance and intimacy that still help maintain a sense of fun and intimacy? According to some experts:

It’s a myth that sex is better when it’s spontaneous. That holiday you’ve been looking forward to for the past six months – would it have been more enjoyable without any planning? Not necessarily. In fact, on the contrary, it might have been a disaster. Although a surprise sex session can be fantastic, planning builds anticipation. And anticipation builds arousal.

If you have kids or you work long hours, you’ll probably need to schedule in time for sex. This means you can make sure you feel your sexiest by planning what to wear and taking a relaxing bath or shower. You can also spend days teasing each other with what you’ve got planned for when the time comes.

Taking turns can be another helpful tactic in maintaining intimacy within a marriage. And while some people may find a certain formality to this technique that seems passionless, other experts believe that its a perfectly viable way to maintain a constant, intimate connection:

Another myth is that sex should be entirely mutual at all times. Apparently, you should caress one another at exactly the same moment, fueling passion in perfect sync. But that’s a bit like patting your head and rubbing your stomach. Yes, it’s possible, but it means you can’t concentrate properly on either activity. How can you focus your attention fully on giving pleasure at the same time as luxuriating in the sensation of being touched? It’s not possible. Someone will miss out.

So take it in turns. Enjoy the look on your partner’s face as you build them into a frenzy of sexual excitement. Then relax and enjoy when it’s your turn. Mutual sex is great for a quick one. But if you have to plan the time together, use it to the full.

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