The Marriage Counseling Blog

Margie and Hank entered couples counseling to save their marriage, even though they had been together for over 25 years. Both were nearing retirement, a time they both looked forward to for many years. Both had worked hard in preparation for it as well. Perhaps too hard, since Marge’s main complaint was that she “didn’t know her husband anymore.”

This was a counseling case where the problem wasn’t so obvious. Neither of them fought. Hank had claimed they really hadn’t fought at all, throughout the entirety of their marriage. Marge didn’t think that seemed healthy and wondered whether her marriage was, in fact, rather dull.

It took some time and some urging but underneath this seeming “dullness” was a lot of unexpressed anger. Both were passive personality types and preferred to keep things quiet. Too much quiet had lead to a silent showdown, where communication broke down and a certain staleness set in.

Once they were able to finally express some long-standing resentment, the light began to shine through. After that, it was a case of two people getting to know one another all over again. They both wanted their retirement to be a positive experience, so it was incentive enough to break through the wall that had formed.

Sometimes problems between two people are not so obvious. But they can still be equally detrimental. Two people need to be able to express their emotional selves in order to grow, to bond. It’s important to learn that your significant other is a safe person to do this with. If not, silence can be anything but golden.