Couples Counseling – Has the Distance Become Too Great?
Gerry and Rita had been married for 14 years and, as Gerry put it, “13 of it has been hell.” Gerry finally convinced Rita to enter marriage counseling so they could talk about their marriage with a trained professional, who could potentially save their marriage.
Rita nervously gave the couples counselor her take:
I just don’t like Gerry. I know that’s crazy to say, but I don’t. I haven’t liked him for a long time. He used to be cool, we used to be believe in the same things. We grew up in the 60′s, man. We protested the war together, talked about free love. I feel like I’ve held on to those ideals; I do charity work, I try to be a good person and walk “lightly on this earth.” But Gerry, man…he’s a stock broker. He prides himself in ripping off others. Money is his god. I don’t know how it happened, but we’re as different as night and day. I just don’t like who he is anymore.
Obviously the counselor knew she’d have to spend some serious time with this couple. Their problem had distanced them greatly. They spent a year in counseling. The counselor thought divorce was inevitable but with some time, Gerry and Rita began to really open up to one another again. Gerry wasn’t willing to change all of his ways but he joined one of Rita’s volunteer group and rediscovered a side of him he had long forgotten.
They come in for occasional visits. Both don’t feel their marriage is perfect but they feel like their “on a path” as Gerry put it. Sometimes, getting on the path again is what it’s all about.
Related Posts
- Counseling for Couples – When Love Needs to go the Distance
- Long Distance Couples Counseling
- Marriage Counseling and Bridging the Distance
- Marriage Counseling and the Great Listener
- Acting As If Your Marriage Was Great
I have a question. My husband and I started marriage counseling about a month ago. Each week, I leave the session feeling upset. I don’t know if it’s the therapist or the process. One week, she identified one central issue as the culprit to all our sexual issues, something my individual counselor disagreed with. As we began talking about sex more, she decided we should not hold or cuddle with each other in bed. Her feeling was our bodies needed to miss each other. I don’t understand what is going on or why I don’t have any sense of relief at the end of the session. Do you have an opinion?
Working on marital issues is a difficult process. I would not expect much sense of relief following a session. The relief should come as your relationship with your spouse starts getting better.
As far as the intimacy suggestion goes, it sounds like you’re wondering whether or not the therapist’s suggestion is a good one. Without knowing more about the background of your situation, or having read any research regarding this, I can’t really make a judgement call on that.