Couples Living Together Before Marriage
Living together has become commonplace for many couples who are either unsure about marriage or want to give it a “trial run.” It can serve as a platform for couples to work through issues surrounding finances, lifestyle and the tasks of running a household. On the flip side, it can also be used as a stalling technique for couples afraid to take the next step. Couples counseling can help define the situation.
Caren and Sid had been living together for 4 years, though they had only planned on living together for a year prior to marriage.
Sid had this to say about their living situation:
I love Caren. There’s no doubt there. There’s nobody I’d rather be with. But at this point, I keep thinking, what’s the point of getting married? Practically speaking, its a big expense and we’re on a tight budget. We already know we want to stay together so we’re going to go through all that hassle for a piece of paper? It’s as if we’d be getting married for everyone else, not us. And that’s too tall of an order, just to please other people.
When Sid was finished speaking, Caren was visibly upset. She’d never heard him speak so frankly. She also looked forward to the ceremony of a marriage and was offended that he looked at so “cold-heartedly.”
The counselor delved into the commitment issues of both parties. Sid still seemed ultimately unready to marry Caren. Caren believed they were to be ultimately married and with this new information, she wasn’t sure how much wanted to continue going down this well-worn path of co-habitation. The couple worked together for several months, but eventually parted ways. Caren felt she’d rather be alone than confused about the future. Sid needed to spend some time exploring the reasons he wasn’t ready for the next step.
