Family Counseling - Allowing New Members In
Integrating two different families is rarely an easy thing. During these times, our need to be flexible is of the utmost importance. Divorce rates remain high and families need to have a certain porousness in order to move forward. Thus was the case for Angela and Tim, both recently divorced and seeking marriage counseling. According to Angela:
When I divorced Frank, I thought this was it for me. I was never going to find someone who’d want to be with someone who had 2 small children. I didn’t care at first. I was so soured on marriage, what did it matter to me? But when I met Tim, I thought…finally. Tim and I were so deeply compatible. It almost felt like it was the first real relationship in my life. I didn’t know love could be so effortless, so fun! That’s until his kids met mine. Then the fun went away really quick.
The counselor heard both partner’s stories. Both Tim and Angela’s children fought like crazy when they moved in together. Lots of power plays between the two oldest and lots of acting out from the youngest. The counselor invited the whole crew (Tim had 3 children from a previous marriage) in for several sessions. The children were encouraged to role play with one another as well as come up withnew, gentle “rules” that the family would have to abide by and that they. The children created the rules as well, giving them a sense of control and togetherness.
They were also encouraged to celebrate their new family unit. Each member came up with a list of positives regarding their new family and shared with one another. After a while, the group really enjoyed the counseling sessions because it gave the group a sense of needed direction and a safe place to air their differences.
New, integrated families are never easy. But as humans, we inherently like the idea of “family” and we’ll move toward it, if we feel its a safe and healthy place where we belong. This new family needed a chance to voice their issues and naturally gravitated toward a togetherness that would last a lifetime.
