Grow Together for a Long and Happy Marriage
“My cousin had been married for 14 years before she and her husband separated. Why would they part after so long? Her husband must have the problem.”
How many cousins, friends, and colleagues you know whose break-up after a long and seemingly happy marriage surprises you? I am sure there are many. Why do we react when we learn about their separation? Because they had been with each other for long. Why do they part after being with each other for so long? Oh, there can be a number of reasons. However, there seems to be a common thread joining all reasons in the ending of long-term marriages.
Why do long-term marriages end? Here’s what the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) has to say about it.
We are so accustomed to hearing about highly conflictual divorces that when a long term couple simply calls it quits after a long period of time of appearing to have the model partnership, it surprises us. One factor that may contribute to growing apart and eventual dissolution is the increasing acceptability of divorce. As a society, we have come to be more accepting and less stigmatizing of couples splitting. Another factor includes enhanced human longevity and psychological growth. People are living longer, healthier lives. As we age we continue to explore new dimensions of our personality, engage in challenging activities (personal and career oriented), and pursue hopes and dreams. Our partner may fully support this personal development but that does not mean as a couple we are necessarily growing together.
AAMFT cites three things that can help a couple grow together.
- Continued courtship even after marriage
- Shared goals that keep the couple looking forward to new things
- Marriage taking the highest priority
Growing together is the key to keeping a marriage happy and healthy. Are you game for it?
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