How Couples Counseling Eliminates Sides
Audrey and Franklin had some concerns when they decided to see a couples counselor that would help with their marital problems. Both were at an extremely polarized point with one another, using friends and family members as allies to join in on their argument. Of course, this only exacerbated the problem. Both Audrey and Franklin began to think in terms of sides and were concerned that a new counselor would be preferential toward one or the other.
What they didn’t understand is that couples therapists are trained to not take sides. They don’t even think in terms of sides, ideally. They think in terms of the dynamic between the couple and the need for sides in the first place. Maybe they will examine the history of the couple. When did a power struggle begin? Or the counselor will probe even deeper, looking into each party’s childhood. Often this is where one begins to feel powerless and struggles against the authority figure that isn’t meeting their needs.
Both Audrey and Franklin were pleasantly surprised. The idea of “sides” was taken out of the equation, once in front of a couples counselor. The two were encouraged to look at some of the real issues that resided behind the “he said, she said” dynamic they had created. It was a relief for both, who over the years had become exhausted by the “constant warring,” as they put it. Finally, the couple could reconnect and communicate in a whole, new way, unfamiliar to both of them. It took some time and practice, but love and openness began to return.
