How Marriage Counseling can Break Cyclical Argument Patterns
We all know these kinds of arguments, whether we’ve had one with a friend, a family member or a loved one. It’s the kind of argument that goes around in a circle and doesn’t seem to find much resolution. Too many years of this kind of arguing can create a need for couples counseling, which offer the opportunity to explore some of the deeper issues surrounding the topics at hand.
Let’s face it. Cyclical arguing can be draining and futile. They instill in us a certain hopelessness about our own ability to resolve a conflict as well as our hope surrounding the relationship itself.
Cyclical arguing can also lend itself to tangential arguing, where many topics are suddenly introduced, as opposed to the the topic at hand.
Here’s what one expert has to say about tangential arguing:
When you ask something and he brings up other issues, that’s because other issues are on his mind. So rather than trying to pull him back to your question, take a deep breath and take the time to really listen to what he’s saying. Let go of your personal agenda and give him the attention he seems to require. The basis of all good relationships is the ability to communicate effectively. This means learning how to listen, in addition to expressing your needs. When people feel genuinely heard, they experience it not only as being understood, but as being loved.
If he goes off on various tangents, it’s his way of letting you know what is going on inside his head. Especially during this sensitive time, hear him out. Let him know you’re listening. Discuss the issues he raises. Then go back to your question. Once he expresses himself and feels understood, he’ll be much more able to give you the answer you’re looking for.
There are ways to break the patterns we find ourselves stuck in. It requires consciousness, understanding and listening. And if it’s getting too cyclical inature, for too long, it may require couples counseling so you can talk more deeply about your relationship.
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- Marriage Counseling & Changing Old Patterns
- How to Diffuse an Argument through Couples Counseling
- Counseling Breaks Down Reactive Patterns
- Breaking the Addictive Argument Cycle
