The Marriage Counseling Blog

Most of us assume that couples counseling is primarily about talking but that isn’t entirely true. A trained couples counselor will look at all aspect of the couples interaction including their body language. Some counselors will focus on touch as a tool to aid in communication.

Touch in an often underused and under appreciated dynamic between two people. It has the power to speak volumes, to heal hurt feelings and to just make us feel good. In this day and age, we often forget that we actually need touch. It’s imperative for our mental and physical being.

Here’s what one expert, Harian Jacobsen has to say on the matter of touch:

Unfortunately, most Americans are non-touchers. A well-brought-up American will apologize to anyone they touch by accident. It is considered almost an attack on one’s integrity.

You probably have never thought about touching in these terms before, but now is the time to start. It can be a whole new beginning for you in the world of sensual, sexual, loving touch. Granted, deeply ingrained fears aren’t easy to overcome, but aren’t the rewards of a full, deep, ever-expanding sensual fulfillment worth the effort?

Studies of primitive peoples indicate that they know the importance of touching. And because of this, they seem happier, healthier. Today, the value of touching is more openly accepted by younger Americans. They are no longer afraid to put their arms around each other. They’re not as worried about remarks people may make. They’re beginning to feel freer about it.

All of us should realize that the taking of the hand or arm of another or putting your arm around another’s shoulders without feeling self-conscious is fundamental at appropriate times. You ought to be a warm, loving, cooperative human being. One of the essential ways of demonstrating this to others is through the way you touch them. You touch them with words and ideas. And you touch them physically with love and affection .

The importance of this touching can no longer be denied. At the end of social gatherings, you have heard, “Let’s keep in touch.” You’ve heard of “touching scenes.” Both expressions tell us more explicitly than literal language how people feel. For example: a touchy subject, a soft touch, a touch of genius, put the touch on, rubs the wrong way, your words touch me, etc. Personal touch is a basic biological need.

The Importance of touch is evident in the way people greet each other in different parts of the world. In Russia, it is the bear hug; in France a kiss on both cheeks; in Rome a pinch on the cheek. Polynesians greet each other by rubbing noses and patting various parts of their visitor’s body. In South America some tribes paint their visitor’s body and adorn it with feathers, and in Hawaii the tourist is adorned with a garland of flowers around the neck by way of greeting.

Americans use the handshake, a form of greeting which tells us more than we may realize. For example, the cold, limp, withdrawn hand conveys a feeling of not being welcome, whereas a firm, warm, friendly hand can become the sign of a pleasant meeting .

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