The Marriage Counseling Blog

Millions of papers, articles and books have been written about the power of humor in a relationship. If you look at most people’s list of desires for a partner, a sense of humor is often near the top of the list for prospective mates.

Some of the benefits of shared humor

• A common sense of humor provides a shared language
• Humor can often diffuse the tension during a heated moment
• Humor and Laughter between a couple creates a deep, enjoyable bond
• Humor helps couples relax

Sharing laughter and enjoying each other’s company is ultimately one of the top elements of a successful marriage. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun, so humor is necessary if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company with another person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding as well as a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs.

Having said all of this, there are times when a sense of humor becomes both an offensive and defensive weapon in a relationship. For those who use humor to attack others, it becomes a painful and cruel wit. “I was only kidding” or “I was only making a joke” are the usual reactions when someone takes them to task for being cruel. For those who use humor as a defensive weapon, they tend to habitually hide their real emotions behind humor in order to deflect thoughts and feelings that they feel are too personal to put out there in the open. This creates an atmosphere of impersonal exchanges and deteriorates the bond of trust and emotions.

Humor in marriage is a wonderful medicine, but as with all medicines, it can be abused.

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