Is it Time for Counseling?
Often marriages can get into ruts. Many couples express a feeling of confusion during their first few sessions with a marriage counselor. They wonder, “How did we get here?” They’re not sure when something went off course, but they definitely feel a chasm has formed, slowly, sometimes over years. This was how Rhonda felt about she and her husband, Stephen:
We never fight. I used to be so proud of that fact because I saw so many couples fighting, squabbling over the littlest things. But not Stephen and I. I don’t think we have fought in our 10 years of marriage. The problem is, well, we don’t seem to be doing much of anything else either! We don’t talk all that much. Small talk, yes - but nothing serious. I don’t feel like he shares his feelings with me. And sex, that’s just become something to mark the calendar by. We’re not fighting but we’re not connecting.
This couple wanted more for their marriage. They weren’t in a place of wanting to separate but feeling a deep need to reconnect. As they explored their marriage in-depth, they realized they both had some resentment toward one another. Small resentments at first that slowly grew over the years, simply because they had been unexpressed.
When is it time for couples counseling? It could be when you find you and your partner in cyclical, unhealthy patterns with one another. Or when the only form of communication is fighting. Or, as in the case of Stephen and Rhonda, simply when an emotional separation had occurred. After years of marriage, the couple need to rejuvenate their relationship and reconnect again. Marriage counseling allowed the two to explored the impasse that had casually formed over the years and get back to genuinely being with one another.
