Is Your Mother-In-Law Driving You Crazy? Marriage Counseling Can Help Couples Set Boundaries
We may make jokes about our mother-in-laws, but for a few, it’s not a laughing matter. Some mother-in-law issues can eat away at a marriage. Anna and Derek sought out couples therapy when Anna threatened to leave because Derek was insisting his mother move in.
Anna shares:
I can’t believe I’m thinking of leaving my marriage over my mother-in-law, but I am. Derek doesn’t see his mother’s interference as a problem–and it’s huge! It started after Derek’s dad died suddenly of a heart attack. Derek and his brother took over their mother’s finances, and made sure her home stayed in good repair. That’s reasonable, and I tried to pitch in, but she’s totally taken advantage of the situation.
Derek wants his mother to move in with us, and it’s not necessary. My parents would never dream of doing this to us. She says she can’t work because of a back injury, but she seems to be able to shop, and she plays bingo and goes to the slots three or four nights a week. She’s gone just about gone through their savings. I won’t have her mooching off of us. She dominates her children’s lives and depends on them for everything. She even calls after midnight because a squirrel’s in her attic, or she heard a noise. I can’t live this way.
Derek shares:
Anna has blown this issue with my mom completely out of proportion. My dad died a little over a year ago, and my mom’s taken it really hard. I know she’s into bingo and slots, and I’m trying to encourage her to get a part-time job. I think she’d do better living with us. We’re planning to have kids and she’d be a real help. We’re family oriented people, and I guess I knew all along this day would come. Why is it so bad to have your mom living with you? Especially now that she’s a widow.
Derek and Anna grew up in very different households, and each of them have needs and expectations they haven’t been able to express. Like many couples, they must learn how to set boundaries and compromise, and how to become a family of their own. Marriage counseling allowed them to air out their emotions, salvage their marriage, deal with family interference, and make plans for their future.
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This is a difficult issue, and one that I am glad that I do not have to deal with- although I have had other issues with my mother-in-law in the past. My mother-in-law and I have not always been the best of friends, but lately I have been trying to change that. After reading, “The Mother-in-Law Manual” by Susan Lieberman. Despite the fact that this book is typically targeted toward mothers-in-law, I went ahead and read it and I am glad that I did. I feel so much more tenderness and sympathy for my mother-in-law now.”
My mother-in-law issues come between my husband and I all the time. We try not to make it an issue but it has taken over our marriage.
DON’T DO IT!!!!!!! My mother and father-in law moved in with my husband and I 8 1/2 months ago. His siblings live with us occasionally. It has really tested our marriage. My husband and I had only been married for a year before they moved in and both of us lived at home till we were married (age 22). We are so stressed out all the time, bills are high, and now we don’t know what to do. Good luck deciding. It is a VERY difficult situation!!!
We purchased a our first home, and on move in day I wasn’t aware that my mother-in-law and his adopted sister was moving in with us. Til this day she still is living with us and I asked my husband don’t he think its strange that she has been living off of us all this time with out helping. His sister moved out because we told her that when she finish school that she had to contribute with the bills.
His mother always has something negative to say about what either I or my girls do, she always fusing about something. My husband and I have been married for over six years now and I think we are barely making it. I am always asking my husband why can’t she find something of her own… I don’t mean to sound like this but I am ready to enjoy my home, and while she is here we are not enjoying it the way that I dreamed it would be.
Just as Lilly stated about being stressed out all the time and bills are always high. My husband and I are in that same position.
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any suggestion would help.