Is Your Spouse’s Negativity Turning You Off?
Many couples report that after a few years of marriage they start to see things in their spouses that they never saw before. Negative attitudes and behavior can often put up a stumblingblock to growth within a marriage. If this is the case with you and your spouse then you may need a little marital counseling.
One woman in the Talk About Marriage forum said that her husband’s negativity was turning her off and she didn’t want to go in public with him any more. There could be several things going on here.
- Maybe the husband hasn’t changed. It could be that she has. What she sees as negativity may very well be jokes or sarcastic quips that she used to laugh at. If that is the case then this woman may not have much to complain about. Marriage counseling could get her to see that she, not her husband, has changed.
- Or perhaps the husband has changed and what he thinks are funny jokes are negative responses about the world around him. People often think that their observations about others are funny when the perception of the people in their lives who hear them is that the comments are negative, critical and sarcastic. It does little to build trust and intimacy in a marriage.
- Most likely, however, both people have changed within the marriage. The husband likely was a bit critical of others when they married, but over time his criticism turned from humor-filled sarcasm to overcritical negativity. The wife may have once thought her husband’s sarcasm was funny, but over time her idea of what was funny changed and she began to saw her husband as negative. Perhaps they both moved off the comfortable center.
People do change over time. Perceptions change and reality changes. If you experience a similar situation in your marriage then you may need to seek the help of a counselor to show you and your spouse how to deal with difficult changes in your marriage.
